Category Archives: France

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

This week I talk to Claire who is English and has 2 daughters, both of which, were born in France as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your daughters and where did you have them?

Hi, my name is Claire, I am currently 45 years old. I moved here with my then-boyfriend at the end of 2004 with no idea we would still be here and married in 2021! I had my children a while ago they are 9 and 11 now, but they were both quite different birth experiences that might be helpful to share. We are both English and have been living in France for 16 years now, 5 years at the time of our first child. Both of the girls were born in France and have always gone to the local school in the village so are bi-lingual.

I studied embroidery at university and create beautiful (if I say so myself) felt wall hangings. As these sadly don’t pay the bills yet I am also a chef for private clients, weddings, and large corporate events. Since last march and the ‘new-world’ we now find ourselves living in where events don’t happen I have had to get creative and diversify so I have started a sock website.

Why did you have your children abroad?

We were living here, and it never occurred to me to go ‘home’ to have them.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

I have never had children in another country, so have nothing to compare it to. After talking to friends back in the UK and their experiences I would say the postnatal care in France is better. I was surprised there were no NCT equivalent groups here, I thought this would be a sure way to meet some local people and integrate more, but all the prenatal appointments were one on one with a midwife. My postnatal care was good, there are midwives for the mothers and separate ones for the babies, you have your own room so you can recover with the ‘peace’ of just your own baby (this was not private care). I was also given a prescription for 10 sessions with a physio to re-train my pelvic muscles…so can now jump on a trampoline! The other benefit, well hopefully for them that is although they have English parents they are bi-lingual, surely that can only be a plus?

Not benefits as such but a little history… with both of my pregnancies I had gestational diabetes that I had to control with insulin, but it led to very different ends….

My first got too big so they decided to induce her 2 weeks early, this, in turn, led to an emergency cesarean. At the time they kept the emergency bit from me and in-fact I only found out 2 years later during my first appointment with my second! Perhaps they didn’t want to worry me? Apparently, she was having breathing difficulties so they wanted to get her out, I figured it was 18h and the surgeon wanted to get home for dinner, well it is France after all… Something perhaps to be aware of is fathers are not allowed into the theatre for the operation, so you are on your own. I stayed in hospital for 7 days after, and the midwives were fantastic especially in the first few days when I was struggling to walk.

With my second she was smaller, so they left her to term. She was born very quickly 20 mins after my waters broke at home in a building site with no water into the arms of my husband! The pompier eventually turned up and then the paramedics. I was sent to hospital as a precaution…thank god! My stomach was very sore and a 6 km journey took us 40 mins as they had to go so slowly. My experience with the midwives here was not so good, but I discovered my French is quite good when in pain and angry. I was told off for not having delivered the placenta already (what did I know), surely the pompier/paramedics should have done this? Luckily however that they didn’t, I was in severe pain, worse than the un-expected drug-free birth. The midwife was very un-caring telling me not to be so pathetic, anyhow digress. Long and short of it is that I had haemorrhaged internally as she came out so quickly and I had a thin layer of skin literally saving my life. I was rushed into the operating room and stayed in hospital 10 days recovering. Said midwife did apologise a few days later saying in her career of 30 years she had never seen that before, well hopefully she has passed on her newly gained knowledge/experience to others.

I guess I just wanted to share that no two births are ever the same, but it is so important that you believe in yourself and what your body is telling you and to make yourself heard even if you shout it in your own language until they understand.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

I was always terrified of giving birth, and I guess my main frustration was with myself not being able to communicate properly my feelings to the midwives and doctors.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

I have no experience with my own country, so can’t really comment. Only real observation was after the births, it turned out my second was blw (I had no idea what that was before her), which they just did not understand at the creche so insisted on feeding her puree that she continued to spit out.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

As I said above, listen to your body, and make yourself heard. For example, with number 2 I knew I was diabetic again but they wouldn’t listen to me before 5 months so I did the best I could to control it with diet before they would test.

 

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

This week I talk to Jennifer who is English and has 3 children, 1 of which, was born in France as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?

jennifer cracknell lullabebe franceBonjour! I am Jennifer and from the UK. In 2012 my husband and I decided to move to sunny Provence with our family. Since my husband’s business was in London he would commute to Provence every 1 to 2 weeks whilst I stayed in our town of Saint Remy de Provence to look after the children. The plan was to establish a business in Provence but what with his work picking up in London this did not happen in the end. My daughter now 6 and first son now 5 were born in London and my second son, aged 2, was born in Avignon, France.

The whole experience was inspiration for my new business, Lullabébé, our first product being large muslin squares, which as a mother of 3 children under the age of 4 in Provence I simply could not be without.

Why did you have your children abroad?

What with having no family around and my husband away a lot it might not have seemed the easiest of choices to some to have another child abroad when I already had a 3 and 2 year old to look after. However, we had always dreamed of a large family and I was determined not to let that dream go. I had also heard such wonderful things about the French healthcare system and this was encouraging and comforting. It didn’t disappoint!

having a baby in France Lullabebe

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

Overwhelmed at times. Our living arrangements weren’t ideal whilst I was pregnant. Since we had no tax status in France when we first arrived we were very limited as to what we could rent and although our first house in France was spacious with stunning views over the Provencal countryside, the rain would seep through the windows when it rained, there were no shutters to block out the biting winter Mistral wind or hot summer sunshine. The tiny electric heaters were literally hanging off the walls and so what with no insulation we were blowing ‘smoke’ during the winter months. However, one of my favourite memories of that home was bringing my two children into bed with me during those winter nights so we could all stay cuddled and warm together.

In terms of my care whilst pregnant I could not have felt in better hands. With a dedicated midwife who was so warm, caring and friendly and with such attentive and thorough care despite it being my 3rd baby it was a dream to be pregnant in Provence.

And then there was the spotless cleanliness of the hospital, being allowed to rest for 4 days in my own private room and the yummy hospital food – truly I was a happy mummy!

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

The midwives seemed to find my natural approach to childbirth quite enlightening. With epidurals being commonplace when I simply requested gas and air at the end of my labour I believe it may not have been used for some time on that ward!

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

Stay strong and reassure yourself with the fact that no two days are the same when you have children. Trust your own instincts and don’t be afraid to voice them. Be comforted by the fact that however hard things get sometimes, there are wonderful people out there who can support and guide you.

About Jennifer:

lullabebe logo

Jennifer is the founder of Lullabébé, company which creates beautiful and versatile muslins, which are inspired by life in Provence.
You can connect with Jennifer via her online store, Facebook and Instagram.

 

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

Next up in the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making I talk to Asha who is British and had her daughter in France. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?

having a baby abroad asha bhatiaHi, my name is Asha, I am a mother of nearly 2 and have just started my online baby shop, Bebe-Monde. I currently live in Marseille near the Vieux Port. I moved to France from London 3 years ago with my husband who is French.

I was born in England and of Indian origin. I have a baby girl called Kiara and we had her in Aix-en-Provence, she is 17 months old and I am expecting our second child in mid-July 🙂

Why did you have your children abroad?

I moved to France with my husband a few years ago, we were both working in long, stressful jobs in London and one day decided that we wanted a different lifestyle. We wanted to set up our own businesses and live in the sun. As my husband was originally from Aix-en-Provence, this seemed to be the perfect choice. even though I did not speak a word of French!! We then decided to start a family and Kiara was born and now we are waiting for our second child.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

I found that I had more confidence in the French health system compared to my experience of my friends in England. It is also quite common to stay in the hospital 4-5 days after you have had your baby which I found quite convenient as I had time to recover and support with our new baby unlike in England where it is usually 2-3 days.

Also if you have a good mutual even your private maternity care can be covered whilst in the UK usually going private is quite expensive.

However for me the most important benefit has been that we can bring up our children as bilingual. I have struggled so much to try and learn French and I am still not there but our children have a wonderful opportunity to speak 2 languages fluently, It is also the best age to learn a language when you are a baby and far easier than when you are an adult:)

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

I tried to be as relaxed as possible but it was not easy as French is not my first language and every time I had to get my tests done or visit the gynacologist I was frustrated that I couldn’t express myself in my own language and had to rely on my husband to make the appointments and to be with me to translate what was going on. I also found the French public and admin side so confusing!! too much paper work and everyone telling you different things. Luckily I found (with a lot of difficulty) a mid-wife who spoke a bit of English and I felt more comfortable at this stage. There is not much of a support network for english expectant mothers , or if there is, it is very difficult to find.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

There are a few things I experienced which were quite different to the culture I am used to. When it comes to pregnancy and parenting most people anywhere you live have always got an opinion. One thing that struck me most and until today I struggle with the choice that we as parents made was not to use a “dummy” for our child. Although there are some people who decide not to give the dummy, there is a large marjority who choose to give one to their child. We decided to try without one and as Kiara didn’t have the dummy, naturally she started sucking her thumb:) and till this day I always get comments that I should give her the dummy and that she will be sucking her thumb till she is 18 years old or even worse I once was told that eventually Kiara’s thumb may have to get amputated!

There is also one thing about French people and food. They have a very set structure for food which structures the whole day, at first I found this a bit rigid for example, you wouldn’t see anyone in the restaurant before 12.30pm and at 12.30pm you get a huge rush of people all wanting to eat their lunch at the same time. Also most restaurants would close after 2.30pm.
However when I had Kiara, I found this structure to be very advantageous as it gave Kiara a good eating habit. The food habit also helped her in the rhythm of the day, for example the nap was always coming after the lunch, the bath after dinner and sleep after bath. In England you don’t have this strong structure for food and snacking is very usual which can interfere in eating, sleeping and general habits.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

I was very scared about being pregnant and thats why I did a lot of researching and reading about other people’s experiences (this is not a technique for everyone) but I felt more prepared and relaxed when I knew what could happen in different situations.

In fact on the day of my contractions I shocked myself at how calm I was. I remember the night very clearly where I wanted to make sure the christmas tree was decorated before I gave birth and I started having contractions regularly but not very strong. I sent my husband and his mother to bed and I stayed in the living room. By early morning my contractions were every 5 minutes and I was still calm but wondering if anyone was going to wake up:) My husband woke up in a panic saying he was only supposed to sleep for a couple of hours:) thats when I said ok I think it is time so we called the hospital – they told us to leave straight away as there was going to be a big lorry strike starting in 30 minutes on the road we needed to take. I was so calm, in fact, that I told my husband I really needed to go to IKEA to return something! he just looked at me with his mouth open, then he laughed 🙂

So my advice stay as relaxed and prepared mentally as much as you can. When it comes to fear and pain, breathe in and out calmly all along your pregnancy, it will eventually help you on the day of the birth. It is good to talk to people, get people’s advice but remember that everyone’s birth is different. And at last, when it comes to the baby, you are the mother, not the doctors nor your friends or relatives. Nobody can force you to do something you don’t want for your baby. It is your choice and the fathers on how to bring up your baby.

So now I have to start all this preparation again:) good luck to me 🙂

About Asha and Bebe-Monde

Asha bhatia bebe monde (2)Asha is the founder of Bebe-Monde where you can find gorgeous, great quality and original clothing and accessories for babies between 0-4 years. Check out the new organic baby clothing range on Bebe-Monde.

Find Bebe-Monde on Facebook
Like Bebe-Monde on facebook and sign up to their newsletter on the website to receive promotions, articles and participate in competitions.

 

bebe-monde asha bhatia

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Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

Next up in the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making I talk to Phoebe who is a British/Australian TCK and had her sons in France. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?

I’m a British/Australian expat since birth currently living in France. I’m really not « from » anywhere having lived in 9 countries, I’m what’s called a TCK (third culture kid). I have 2 boys aged 15 and 9.

having a baby in france

Why did you have your children abroad?

I had my boys in France as it’s where I was living. It didn’t feel like « abroad » as I don’t have a « home » other than where I’m living in the moment !

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

As there was nowhere else I’d go to have my kids I can’t really say what the benefits were over anywhere else. But I can say that France has excellent medical care and everything to do with maternity and childbirth is 100% reimbursed by social security making it completely free. As I was considered an older mum for my 2nd baby I had a higher risk of certain problems and I really appreciated all the extra tests/ultrasounds etc I was given throughout my pregnancy. I was massively in pain towards the end of my 2nd pregnancy and hugely appreciated having my baby induced 2 weeks early to end my pain. This pain wasn’t life threatening for either me or the baby but my comfort and ability to function was considered important. My sister had exactly the same thing at the same time in UK and had to persevere till the end. I know which option I preferred and certainly felt the benefits of a more medicalised approach in France at this stage. For the births I had a double room for my first child, though there was no one else with me for most of the time I was there and a private room for my 2nd child. Both had private bathrooms. My babies were with me in the room but could be taken away and looked after if I wanted to rest. In France you stay in hospital for longer than in many countries and for me the benefit of this was that I felt rested and confident handling my newborn by the time I went home.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

For my 1st baby I’d only been in France for a couple of years and my French was OK but not great so I chose to give birth at the Franco-British Hospital in Paris as I thought there’d be more anglo influences and some English spoken. It turned out the only English thing was a portrait of the Queen Mother in the lobby!! At the time there were no parenting blogs or online help so I relied on English books on childbirth/pregnancy etc. All my influences and ideas were very British, not French; things like birth-plans & pain relief differed hugely and I went into the birth process feeling disappointed that nothing was how I wanted it. For my 2nd child 6 years later I was much more confident and my French heaps better so I chose the local “clinique” which turned out to be way nicer than the Franco-British Hospital! I also chose to go with the flow and do it the « French way » not fighting every bit of advice I was given and in doing so had a much happier and satisfying birth experience. « When in Rome and all that.. »

having a baby france

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

If I take my « home » country to be UK then yes I continually came up against differences of opinions, particularly concerning what was OK to eat and what wasn’t during pregnancy, drugs during birth and the whole medicalisation of pregnancy. However, unlike many of the others talking about France in this series, I was fully encouraged to breastfeed and continue as long as I wanted. Yes, many health professionals were surprised to hear I was still breastfeeding at 8,9, 10 months but they were impressed and encouraging not negative. And as I mentioned above, once I’d accepted more of the French way of doing things I was much more relaxed. Differences of opinions continued throughout babyhood and toddler years (and still continue now I guess), I had the French side saying things like put shoes on very early to encourage walking, and the English side saying wait till the baby can walk before putting shoes on so as not to harm the feet ! Let’s face it, in the end all French and English babies learn to walk at pretty much the same age and neither has obviously more or less feet problems when older, so many of these things are just cultural differences, neither better nor worse.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

I would say go with your gut feelings but try not to fight the host country’s ideas too much as it’s likely to all work out all right in the end. Stand up for what you believe in but listen to professional advice too. (I’m referring to pregnancy and birth here rather than parenting choices). If you don’t speak the language of the country you’re in do your best to find an English-speaking doctor/midwife as it’s hugely important to feel like you can communicate properly. Try not to assume your way is « better », learning to accept other cultures is enriching and if you’re like me at all then ultimately it’s more relaxing!

Find out more about Phoebe here: 

 

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Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

Next up in the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making I talk to Kathleen who is Canadian and had her son in France. Here is her story:

having a baby abroad in FranceTell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?

My name is Kathleen. I’m 45 years old and I’m from Canada, although I spent part of my childhood in Japan. My husband is French. Our two children are 5 and 3 years old. We currently live in Toronto, Canada.

My husband and I met in Kuwait in 2003 and after getting married in 2005, we moved to Algeria, then the next summer to Vietnam with plans to stay for a couple of years. However, after about 7 months there, I got pregnant with our daughter, so I went ‘home’ to Regina, Saskatchewan to have her. We were living in a very remote and rural area of Vietnam at the time.  

When our daughter was 2 month’s old, we moved to Qatar for the year. Then, next stop. France.  I got pregnant within a couple of months of arriving in France and our son was born there.

Why did you have your children abroad?

We had my son in France because we were living in my husband’s home country at the time.  

Having a baby in FranceWhat do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

My experience with the French public health care system, though sometimes confusingly and extremely bureaucratic, is that it is excellent.  I was pleased with the care I received during my pregnancy.  I also liked that we could stay at the hospital after the birth a bit longer than you would in Canada. I realize that’s not for everyone, but I sure did enjoy the rest. And surprisingly, the food was yummy. At a public hospital! 

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

I had a frightening second pregnancy. It started out fine and as it was my second pregnancy, I didn’t have all the anxiety and nervousness of my first. I was much more relaxed, even in dealing with doctors in another language.

My only anxiety was dealing with all the paperwork and trying to find a hospital.

However, by the 8th or 9th week, we  received the scary news that I had contracted toxoplasmosis and would need to see a specialist plus have monthly ultrasounds.  I was immediately prescribed antibiotics, which I took for the remainder of the pregnancy.

After that, I’d say I was alternately zen and stressed. We had to wait until the 18th week to have an ultrasound that would show how the baby was developing.  After getting good results, I chose not to have an amnio which would have determined 100 percent whether the toxo parasite had tranfered to our son. I had expected my OB/GYN to disagree, partly due to my age as well (I was 42 at the time) but he accepted my decision. (My OB/GYN in Canada was not happy when I said no to an amnio at 39 years old.)

You may not want to hear that there is more, but there is indeed more…while things were looking good as our son was developing, I ended up with a twisted ovary at the 7th month mark. The pain was excruciating and due to a slight infection and the location of the pain, my OB/GYN thought I might have appendicitis.  No tests could prove otherwise and the pain was intensifying.  I had to have an abdominal laparoscopy (keyhole surgery). Both my son and I were put under general anesthetic and I was warned by my OB/GYN that there was a possibility that our baby would also be delivered by c-section if there were complications (but that our baby would be ok, but have to be in NICU).  

The operation was a success and my baby stayed put. Then I was faced with the decision of whether or not to get the H1N1 vaccine as the virus was in full force in the Ile de France at the time. The maternity wards were not allowing any visitors, including children, during check ups and after the birth except the pregnant woman’s partner Since I was put on bedrest for the rest of my pregnancy, I decided against getting the vaccine. There was a lot of hysteria at the time and the media was reporting that pregnant women who got the flu were badly affected, so it was a tough decision.

In any case, a few days after I got the official ok to move about, our son was born, 3 weeks early, but healthy.  My mom, who had come to take care of me, got to meet him right away (she received special permission from the hospital to visit) so that was pretty special.  

My delivery was quick and uneventful, for me. The OB/GYN wasn’t there, but the midwives were supportive as was my husband, who rushed out of the delivery room to get the midwives to come back sooner than expected. They felt it would be ages before I delivered. They were wrong and I knew it.  I could tell my son was coming fast.
 
Post-pregnancy, we were back at the hospital a few times so my son could get his eyes tested and his brain scanned. Tests later showed that he had not been infected by toxo, to our relief.

Having a baby abroad franceDid you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

I didn’t gain as much weight in France as I did in Canada with my first so I wasn’t ‘harassed’ about it. I had heard that could be a problem if you don’t stay within the recommended weight guidelines.
The only other opinion I heard that was different from what I experienced in Canada was that my OB/GYN said that if you are still pushing after half an hour, they will intervene (ie with forceps, followed by c-section.) I pushed for nearly 2.5 hours with my daughter in Canada and he was shocked by that. He felt that that could have caused me/my pelvic floor irreparable damage. Fortunately, my second labour and delivery was super fast so I didn’t need to test this.
Regarding breastfeeding, I had had a very difficult time breastfeeding my daughter in Canada, but the support there was stellar, including home visits.  I expected to have a hard time with my son too and did worry about support, but both the nurses and the lactation consultants who visited me on the third day were very helpful and supportive. Fortunately, my son latched quite easily and breastfeeding him wasn’t as hard.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

If you’re in a country where you are recommended not to eat certain foods that would be no big deal in your own country, maybe listen to the advice. We have no idea how I contracted toxo, but I didn’t worry too much about eating salads nor pinkish (not rare, but pinkish) meat. I should have been more careful.  
 
And if you have a diagnosis of toxo or some other medical issue that is more common in the country where you are pregnant, read up on it in both your own language but also read the stats, information and tips from the country you’re in. I found the French websites dealing with toxo much less scary and more factual and hopeful. If that makes sense.
 
Finally, it really helped to belong to an Anglo parenting group in the Paris area. I had a lot of support and help, both IRL and on the forum during my pregnancy.

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About Kathleen: 

Kathleen OmalleyKathleen is a teacher and co-creator of http://suminoizumi.com, an online resource inspiring expat trailing/accompanying spouses to tap into their creative sides, their passions, and their interests to better learn the local language.  
 
Follow her on Twitter and like her on Facebook

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

Next up in the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making I talk to Carrieanne who is American and had her daughter in France. Here is her story:

having a baby abroadTell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her?

I am a 29-year-old American writer. I was born in Connecticut, but raised on the sunny beaches of Florida. I spent my days as the head of a multimillion-dollar corporation and nights dreaming of living overseas. I met my future husband while on vacation in France. He moved to the USA and followed me to Montreal. Eventually, I gave up life in the fast lane and followed him back to France. Our little French American girl was born in Bayeux, France last year.

Why did you have your daughter abroad?

We decided to start our family in France because we both preferred life here. I entertained the idea of going back to the USA, but there were many obstacles.

If we moved to the USA, it takes months to recieve a spouse Visa. My husband would have to wait in France while I prepare the application in the USA. I did not want to be separated from him for that long.

Also, we are self-employed so health insurance would be expensive. I do not think insurers cover pregnancies if the applicant is already pregnant. In France, our mutual (private health insurance) costs 70 euros per month and we are 100% covered. Last year I broke a finger and was pregnant – we paid nothing out-of-pocket. Healthcare in the USA is so expensive that it would not make financial sense for us to have a baby there.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

I like that everyone in France gets standard care. It does not matter which doctor you see, you know when you will have your ultrasounds, which blood tests will be done, and when your next appointment will be. In the USA, each doctor handles pregnancies very differently. Even though care for pregnancies is standard in France, doctors are not limited. If they think additional tests or ultrasounds are needed, they can prescribe them.

Besides free healthcare, another incredible benefit was qualifying for maternity leave. I am self-employed, yet I received about 6,500 euros for taking time off work. We also received about 900 euros from social security when I was 7 months pregnant, and 150 euros from our mutual as a gift. Now, we receive money for her each month and will recieve 9 hours of in-home daycare for free each month. I could not imagine getting all this in the USA.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

I was scared and anxious at the beginning of my pregnancy. I had no idea what to expect. I could not find the information I needed online and did not have the vocabulary to communicate efficiently with doctors. I was frustrated because I felt out of control. As I gained more information and my French became better, I felt more at ease with the situation.

Blogging about my pregnancy in France helped me relax. It felt great to provide others with information that I could not find online. I received encouragement and support from my readers, which kept me going whenever I felt frustrated.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

When I was pregnant, it felt like my gynecologist was not taking me seriously when I requested a natural birth. I watched a story on the news a few nights ago and think that attitudes here are changing. Many French women are beginning to demand a less medicalized approach to giving birth.

After my daughter was born, I was almost forced to bottlefeed while in the hospital. The puericultrice and midwives took my husband aside and convinced him that I was endangering our daughter by breastfeeding. It was very emotional and difficult for me to stand my ground, especially without the full support of my husband. We later figured out that my daughter was not latching properly, and then she gained weight quickly. If I was in the USA, I could have left the hospital after she was born, met with a lactation consultant, and avoided all this stress.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation? 

Relax and learn French. It is important for you to be able to communicate efficiently with the doctors and midwives. If you usually count on your husband or significant other for translations, understand that there will be times when he will not be there. My husband is an English to French translator, but there were pregnancy-related terminologies that even he could not translate.

If you find yourself pregnant in France, I wrote a book specifically for you – French Mamma’s: Pregnant in France. I provide details of what to expect, including the standard medical schedule, emergency contact information, and sample ultrasound results. All chapters are in English and French, with important pregnancy-related vocabulary words that you should know. At the end of each chapter are practice sentences to help you learn the vocabulary words, as well as an answer key. You can download the first two chapters for free on my website.

You can read more about being pregnant in France on my French Mamma blog, or follow me onTwitter or Facebook.

 

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Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

This week I talk to Toka who is from Kazakhstan, got pregnant in Russia, and then moved to France where she had her daughter as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. Here is her story:

Having-baby-FranceTell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her?
Hi, my name is Toka, I’m of Kazakh origin, as we say born in USSR, but since my dad is a diplomat I have spent my childhood and adolescence in London. Today I live in France with my French husband and a 6 months old daughter born in Valenciennes.

Why did you have your daughter abroad? What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?
We were expatriated in Russia with my hubs for 3 years and considered seriously having our baby in Moscow when discovered that I was pregnant. The first 5 months of my pregnancy I was in Russia, and had a Russian doctor and only in my 6th month we moved to France.

The reason was the quality of healthcare services: although I speak fluent Russian, the fact that I didn’t understand how things worked lead to the fact that my Dr. prescribed me tests I didn’t really need, had put me in hospital twice “to conserve the pregnancy”, plus I encountered numerous bribery situations (i.e. had to give 1000 USD cash to the obstetrician to be able to deliver in a certain hospital). In general, I had an impression that everything rolled around money in Russia. But after we moved to France I had the most wonderful 3 months of my pregnancy despite the swelling feet (for what in Russia they would have put me in hospital), huge belly and language barrier.

I felt that in France things were more natural, you are left alone to enjoy your pregnancy and don’t have to see your doctor every week like in Russia. The birth preparation classes were very informative. May be I had a great luck, but the midwife was really “sage”.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?
Generally when outside or at my Dr’s I felt understood and encouraged, people were helpful and kind. Although I was scared of giving birth, of pain, of being able to be a perfect mother, plus I had to make a great effort to make myself understood, and above all there was nobody to talk to; all this made me sad sometimes. I guess it is not only expecting mother abroad feeling, but the fact that I felt alone made everything a lot worse. At the same time my cousin had her baby in Kazakhstan and had told what an awful experience that was. My husband tried to explain me that I wasn’t alone, and that helped a lot.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?
In Russia a pregnant woman is surveyed closely, her weight gain is charted by her doctor, weekly blood tests, urine tests and blood tension measuring are must. It might be a good thing in the case if there is any complication, whereas here in France I had to write up all the questions I had in order to not forget until my monthly check-ups. I still don’t know which way is better.

However, in France I received odd looks when said I wanted to exclusively breastfeed. Until today my doctor tries to convince me that the formula is an easier thing and I can leave my baby to a nanny. But it’s my baby, and I decide how to bring her up I guess.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
First of all, relax, pregnancy is a God’s gift, so all we have to do is to enjoy it. Then, to try to find someone you can talk to, someone from your country, or just an any foreigner, because I think it’s useful sometimes to whine about the things in the country where you live. It would have helped me a lot.

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

 

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

having a baby abroad franceThis week I talk to Nikki AKA “A Mother in France” who is English and has 5 children, 2 of which were born in France as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children andwhere did you have them?

I’m 44 and originally from Kent in England. 7 years ago I moved with my husband and 3 children (all born in the UK) to live in a watermill in South West France. I’ve had 2 further children, both born in France, and so I am now a mother of 5 (4 boys and 1 girl). Their ages are 21, 17, 9, 6 and 4.

Why did you have your children abroad? What do you feel were the benefits to having
children abroad?

I hadn’t actually planned on having any children in France. It was a bit of a shock when I discovered 2 weeks before we were due to move that I was pregnant with our 4th child. I had so much to think about and had such a stressful time getting to France that sorting out everything to do with pregnancies and babies just seemed another enormous hurdle to clamber over.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

It was a bit overwhelming – especially as my French wasn’t great at the time. However I think it would have been more difficult for me had it been my first.

There are lots of things are different here. For instance you see a gynaecologist once a month whereas in England you’re usually seen by a midwife and maybe see a gynaecologist once during the pregnancy. In England everything’s sorted out for you – your scans, blood tests etc, but here the Dr gives you the prescriptions and you have to book all the appointments yourself.

There is much more medical intervention here, for example, I had an internal examination every month (I never had one in England) and I was induced quite early on in my 1st labour here, which I don’t think would have been considered at that stage in the UK.

The whole birth was far more businesslike, but I did feel confident they knew what they were doing. The hospital was very clean and comfortable – private rooms or maximum of 2, the food was good – it was like staying in a hotel (very different from my experiences in the UK).

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

Epidurals are very common here (something like 80% I think), which is not the case in the UK. In the UK epidurals aren’t encourage and I was of the impression that they were really dangerous and so didn’t have one with my first 3 children. However here I decided to try as it seemed so well researched with tests and examinations well before the birth to check your suitability. I’m
glad I did – it made both of the births I had here more enjoyable.

I was very surprised to find that breastfeeding is not as common in France as it is in the UK. Many people seemed amazed to learn I was breastfeeding and when they discovered that I normally breastfed my children for the first year I think they thought I was very weird.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

If you don’t speak French well, try and find a gynaecologist that speaks good English. I had a problem when I visited my gynaecologist with my 2nd child in France. On the first visit he misunderstood when I told him I was pregnant and gave me a smear test!

If you live in a really rural area (like me) it is probably better to opt to have your baby in a bigger town or city as the facilities are far better. I had mine in Toulouse – it was an hour drive from home, but worth it!

Nikki is not only a wife and mother of 5 but also a Gite owner, Garden Centre and Landscape Gardening Business owner, Aspiring Author, Blogger and part-time taxi driver for her teenage sons. You can also follow Nikki on Twitter.

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com


Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

Having baby abroad franceThis week I talk to Amber as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. She had her son in France. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your son and where did you have him?
I’m an American expat currently living in the suburbs of Lille, France. I’ve been in France for 5 years and I moved here to be with my French husband who is from Reunion Island. I have a 9 month old son named Victor and he was born here in Tourcoing, France on Nov. 30th.

Why did you have your son abroad?
We decided to have our son here because this is where we’ve made our life. My husband isn’t a native to “France Metropole” (continental France) either. We are more or less alone here and a baby had always been a part of our plans. Not knowing what the future holds for us, we decided to go for it now. We didn’t want to put it on hold just because we’re living away from our families.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?
In all honesty, having a baby in France seems to be much more affordable than having a baby elsewhere. I chose a private hospital and doctor, stayed for 8 days and was home hospitalized for three weeks, and I think must have cost something like 60€ total . We have been to the ER more times than I can count since he was born, had numerous tests run, and have never paid a cent for any of it. The health care system very much favors children. My son has a health issue and drinks formula that is very difficult to obtain and quite expensive, and because it’s a necessity it’s subsidized at 100%, meaning we pay about what we would pay for formula from the supermarket, and regardless of our income.

There are also benefits to raising children in France. Childcare is very affordable and maternity leave (although not well paid) was four months for me. I could have even chosen to stay at home longer. Comparable to my friends in the US who hardly had 4-6 weeks of unpaid leave, that’s a great advantage.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?
My pregnancy was full of questions. I felt like (and still feel like) I have to fight in order to get doctors to listen to me and take me seriously. I chose my doctors very carefully and explained from the very first visit that I would be asking a lot of questions and expecting very thorough answers, which isn’t really the French way of doing things. There’s also the complication of not knowing how the system works, so not always knowing what questions to ask. In France you have to ask very precise questions to get the exact answer you are looking for. Over time I had to learn a lot of vocabulary which came naturally as my pregnancy progressed, but it wasn’t obvious at first.

I felt a lot of stress from women who’d already had children and were telling me things like if I hadn’t already booked my maternity, chances were that they were already full, or if I hadn’t found childcare prior to getting pregnant, I was out of luck and would likely never find anybody. I scrambled before the end of my first trimester to try and line up a hospital and a nanny, and in the end the scramble wasn’t necessary.

American expat baby in FranceI also chose to continue working until four weeks before my due date. The recommended amount of time is six weeks, and most women take eight or more. I was made to feel like I was abusing my body and my baby for this decision, despite having my doctor’s permission. People would approach me and ask me if I ought to still be driving “in my condition” and perfect strangers thought that acceptable topics of conversation were things like my decision to have or not have an epidural, breastfeeding or not, etc., when otherwise the French keep very much to themselves and would have never tried to make playful banter with me if I weren’t pregnant.

I also felt like there is a stigma about pregnant women and maybe this exists elsewhere too. I felt like people were either looking at me encouragingly, or jealously. I chose to have my baby at a young age (I was 23 when I got pregnant) and the average age for a first baby in France is 30. Because so many women are waiting until they are older to have babies, there are many who are finding that it’s not always as easy to have a baby later in life, and thus the stares and the critical comments. My doctor even went as far as to ask me if “I really wanted to have this baby” or if “my pregnancy was intended”. I tried not to be offended, but in their eyes a 23 year old doesn’t choose to be a mother. What they didn’t know is that I’d been married for two years, we’d recently bought a home, and both my husband and I were employed and financially stable. Having a family had always been our intention, and my line of thinking was why not go ahead and do it now, while we have health and time on our hands? We wanted the process to be natural and stress-free. My goal was to be pregnant by the end of the year 2010 — no ovulation tests, no sitting with my feet in the air or any of grandma’s remedies, and we figured we’d need time in order for it to work out as we wanted. As fate would have it, my little boy was already in my arms as we celebrated the arrival of the New Year.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?
Breastfeeding is very rare here. I know very few women who did it longer than 3 months, and I met very few doctors who were encouraging breastfeeding. I was told by a pediatrician that it was my fault that my baby was experiencing “failure to thrive” at two months because he hadn’t gained any weight. She claimed it was due to my “obsession” and “fixation” with breast feeding. I was neither obsessed nor fixated — nursing was something I did because I could, but I did not enjoy it and literally suffered through it. Other doctors claimed that it was due to my diet (i’m vegetarian) and that he wasn’t getting the nutrients necessary to thrive. I carried on until he weaned himself at 6 months (he’d been receiving bottles of formula while I was at work) and came to find out during the last month that he was allergic to milk proteins, and thus allergic to my milk AND the doctor-recommended formulas. Long story short — I felt as though French doctors are unwilling to look at the big picture and examine other symptoms, and are very quick to write you off as an obsessive new mom because that’s the easiest route.

At the same time that I was experiencing criticism from doctors for nursing here in France, I was getting backlash from people in the states or other Americans abroad about the way I chose to nurse. I was told that pumping, using nipple shields, or even creams, wasn’t “real nursing”. I had a hard time dealing with the people in my life who really had no clue what it was like to try and go out in public while breast feeding a baby in this country. It’s something you just don’t see, because people just don’t do it that often, and when you’re in a fragile, postpartum state of mind, it’s difficult to ignore all of the stares or comments around you. I think it may be easier to nurse in the states or in a country where it’s more common to encourage new moms to nurse.

It was also very difficult to get postpartum help for myself once my home hospitalization had come to an end. My doctor would say something like, “oh yeah, you can see so-and-so who works at the hospital.. she doesn’t have a direct line so you’ll just have to call and see.. she has very irregular hours and is hard to get in touch with…” which wasn’t very encouraging. With his doctors calling me “obsessed” for coming in to see them about his colic, and mine telling me “it’s very hard to get help”.. I didn’t (and still don’t) have a whole lot of faith in our medical system’s ability to provide good mental health care or emotional support to new parents.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
I would advise home hospitalization, and I would advise asking for it because it’s not offered automatically. This was helpful because they’d come to the home every day to weigh the baby and show me how to do things that I couldn’t learn how to do at the hospital due to my C-section recovery. They’d answer any questions I had and were very attentive to my needs. I wish this could have continued in some form or other throughout my maternity leave.

It’s also important to be realistic. Having a baby away from your family and outside your country isn’t easy, and you need to be strong and have a good support system to get you through the difficult times when you have little to no comfort in your surroundings. I would recommend that you find a doctor who understands your unique situation and really listens to you. I would also recommend finding other women in your area that you can talk to, or friends that are supportive of your situation.

Check out Amber’s blog

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Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

This week I talk to singer/songwriter Milja who is Finnish and had her baby daughter in France as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. She talks about having a “platinum baby” in Paris and bitchy nurses. Here is her story:

 

Milja KaunistoTell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her? I’m a Finnish singer-songwriter and pianist, mommy of one magnificent daughter… and not so long ago, a performer in a chic Paris piano-bar located somewhere between the Ritz and the old Opèra. As my 8-month pregnant belly no longer fit behind the bar’s grand piano, and my squeezed lungs became unable to yell ‘Proud Mary’ at 4 A.M. without me passing out on the keys, I gave up my night job and retreated to my horrid apartment.

Why did you have your daughter abroad?
My musician husband and me had started regretting our decision to have our child in Paris when it had occurred to us that our apartment wasn’t suitable for a child, or any human being at that. It wasn’t the mice, or that I got an electric chock every time I touched the stove, or that I had to wear a wool sweater night and day just to keep warm, or even that I had to heat my bathing water in a pot because there was no hot water available. It was that there was, in fact, no running water whatsoever, and that carrying 20-liter water containers twice a day couldn’t be done while pregnant.

I started to long for Finland’s clean, functional houses, almost all equipped with a personal sauna. But returning to Finland was no option. We hadn’t suffered the Parisians for six years, painstakingly building a network necessary for any musician to make a living, just to run back to Finnish schlager-style variety music. So we moved to a great deal more expensive apartment, one with running water… and two weeks later, out came Lydia, now two and half years old. Milja Kaunisto

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?
Finland is a large country with a small population, meaning that hospitals are scarce and thus full. I had heard less pleasant birthing stories from my Finn-friends – the famed Finnish equality between sexes can also mean no pain killer unless there is a ‘real need’, such as c-section. They just tell you to shut up and push, ‘this is the way our foremothers did it and so should you’. The wimpy person that I am, I was relieved to see that the little public-healthcare clinic that was to be my birthing stall offered a wide variety of pain relief. And they had obstetricians specializing in acupuncture, massages or homeopathy, all included in the public healthcare system!

They had helped me tremendously with my pre-birthing hormonal madness, my elephant ankles and my fiery heartburn, so when my waters broke, I felt confident. The waiting room was full of women of all colors and languages. It was fascinating to see the cultural differences of these women when it came to pain. Some talked vividly in their cell phones all through contractions, some screamed theatrically along with the mother and the mother-in-law by the bedside, some demanded more painkillers in an animated french. As it turned out, my baby didn’t come out but 32 hours later, so I had plenty of time to observe everything around me. But after 30 hours, I went into shock and was being prepared for a c-section with the utmost care. I felt so grateful. My Algerian gynecologist surgeon did such a wonderful job, and just a few minutes later, I saw my little blonde Lydia come out, cool and relaxed, practically yawning. This was the very first platinum blonde Nordic baby the gynecologist and his staff had ever seen, and they couldn’t stop staring at her, all smiles.

Lydia and Milja

Lydia and Milja

 

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices? What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

I had been given a choice of a joint room or a single room, and since I do not watch TV and hate its sound, I had chosen a single room. As it happened, I was tangled in wired and hoses after the surgery, and could not do a thing without calling for help. Somehow they knew I was a singer, and at night as I pressed the help-button to go to the bathroom, I heard the nurses mumbling in the hallway. ‘Oh, it’s her again.’ ‘Who does she think she is, calling for us all the time?’ ‘Did you know that she’s a singer?’ ‘Oh, that’s why, then! She thinks of herself as a superstar!’ At this point the nurse stomped in and barked: ‘What now?’ In my hormonal state, I started crying, and pointed towards the bathroom. The next day when I had to call for help again, I heard: ‘Oh, come on, not again! Someone call her husband to come and give the diva some applause!’ Do they really think a piano-bar singer is the same as Beyoncé, I thought. But then, I heard these nurses whined about almost every patient – this one smelled, this one snored, this one was too fat. I decided to let the supervisor know about this, and what a change it made! Nothing but smiles and helpfulness after that!

In France, I’ve noticed, standing up for yourself risking a few moments of shame makes everything work. Mummies – defend your ground!

After a week at the clinic, I was let out with my baby. Not long after that, our landlord started busting in our new apartment with his own set of keys! We decided it was time to leave Paris.

We now live in a tiny medieval village in the southern France’s Aveyron. Instead of piano bars and concerts, we have a small music school and a studio, and a house five times the size for half the rent. I would not go back to Paris now that I’ve tasted the delights of the French countryside. The kind people, the fresh produce, the cheap living. And my little daughter ,that will go to a French school next year (that, I’m sure will make another weird chapter to write about) makes it all worth the while.

Milja Kaunisto is a singer-songwriter, mummy of one fantastic daughter, lover of great food, amateur writer and world-saver, traveling woman and part-time nut.

You can follow Milja on Twitter, Wix, My Space and you have to check out her Blog.

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com