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Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: TURKEY

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Having a baby in TurkeyThis week I talk to Suzie as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. She had her son in Turkey. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your son and where did you have him?

I’m Suzie, 26, originally from Wales and I’ve been in Istanbul, Turkey now for 5years. I met my /turkish husband here and our son M was born in March this year. He was born in Istanbul.

Why did you have your son abroad?What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

When I first became pregnant, I expected I’d want to return to the UK to give birth. As the pregnancy sunk in, I realised that I didn’t want to take our baby home from the hospital to anywhere other than home, which meant giving birth here. It turned out to be a wonderful decision. Unlike the UK, I had monthly appointments with ultrasounds at each check*, I had my doctors cell phone number to call at any concern, I got to choose the doctor, and hospital and felt in control of our monitoring. Yes, we had to pay for the appointments/birth but I was able to offset the cost with my husbands national insurance and the pregnancy and birth in total cost a fraction of a private birth with the same options in the UK. The downside was I was unable to consider a homebirth, which I would have probably opted for in the UK.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

Overwhelmed by the differences at times,  and having no other pregnant friends or Mums of babies here, a little isolated. On the other hand, Turkey is a baby/pregnant friendly country so I never had to stand on a bus or wait in line!

expat having a baby in TurkeyDid you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

It is rare that a parenting decision we make is in line with the ‘traditional’ Turkish opinion of what we should do and that can be tough going as people don’t hesitate to tell you, in no uncertain terms, that your choice is wrong. For example, a nurse told me using cotton nappies with M would cause nappy rash not prevent it, I’ve lost count of the number of strangers who have chastised me for carrying M in a ring sling or wrap, and people frequently tell me to put more clothes on him, cover him up. But, their intentions are all in the right place and I try to remeber that; plus, my in-laws have been fantastic in supporting the decisions we’ve made, even when they don’t understand them themselves.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

Trust your gut and talk to your partner. There have been times when I have felt like just giving in for the ease, but have stuck to my instinct and ultimately have felt good about the choices we’ve made. Likewise, talking to my husband has often made a big difference to how I feel and he has been able to deal with some of the problems I was facing head-on, whereas I’d just have let them go.

*I know there are those against ultrasound, but I was grateful for the extra monitoring.

You can follow Suzie on Twitter and don’t forget to check her Blog

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Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: BRAZIL

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having a baby abroad in brazilThis week I talk to Rachel as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. She had both her sons in Brazil. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?
My name is Rachel and I am from the San Diego, California, USA. I have two boys, 4 1/2 and 2 1/2. Both boys were born here in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Why did you have your children abroad?
My husband and I moved to Rio de Janeiro shortly after finding out I was pregnant with our firstborn. We had been living kind of like nomads and didn’t have healthcare in either country. Thankfully he got an great job offer out of the blue in Rio and Brazil has free public medicine. It was an offer we couldn’t refuse.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?
My children are truly bilingual. My 4 yr old can switch from one language to the other or translate from one to the other without hardly any effort or thought. That is one of the best gifts I could give my kids.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?
I felt lost and confused. I missed my family during the entire process. Moving while expecting is especially difficult, even if you have been to the country/city you moved to. Not only did I miss the people closest to me, I had to struggle through prenatal care in a second language that I had yet to master. On the plus side, I spoke very well after those last 7 months!

expat mom having baby in brazilDid you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?
In Brazil there it is culturally acceptable to breastfeed anywhere and everywhere. That was a lovely part of having my boys here. When I went home for a visit when my oldest was 6 months old, I was shocked by the looks I received while breastfeeding in a corner covered up. That would never happen in Brazil.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
Keep your chin up! You are in a situation where you have the opportunity to grow and experience new things. Although those lessons aren’t always at the most ideal time, it will make you a more flexible person. I find that flexibility is an excellent quality to have as a Mother, wife, and friend. Thankfully we have things like skype, facebook, and email to keep us in touch with our loved ones who are far away. And when you are having one of those low days where you just hate where you are at, don’t be hard on yourself. We all have those days and they pass!

Check out Rachel’s blog: Rachel’s Rantings in Rio
Follow her on Twitter and like her on Facebook

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Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: AUSTRALIA and UNITED KINGDOM

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having a baby in IndiaThis week I talk Mrs B who is Estonian and had first son in Australia and her second in the UK as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. She talks about the differences and the similarities between Estonia, Australia and the UK. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?
I am from Estonia, but at the age of 17 I won a scholarship to study in the States for a year and my expat life started.  Now 18 years later, I have lived in the US, Germany, Australia and since early 2006 in the UK (interestingly, this is the first time I’ve done the math and as a result realised that I have now been away from Estonia for longer than I lived there – time flies!).

I studied languages but have been working in web development for the past 10 years.  At the moment I work 4 days a week in the city while my live-in mother looks after my two sons, my 6-year old who was born in Australia and my 2-year old who was born in the UK.

Why did you have your children abroad?
I had my first son in Australia because I had lived there for 5 years by then, had an Aussie husband, felt very comfortable with the system and travelling to Estonia for the birth was just not an option due to the distance.

My second son was born after we’d been living in London for 4 years.  Knowing what a busy and overcrowded city it is, I did think about travelling to Estonia for more one-on-one attention pre- and post birth, but in the end I decided to stay here to make sure that my husband wouldn’t miss the birth.

 

having a baby in Australia and UK

Mrs B's sons

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?
Compared to Estonia, I’m glad that both countries that I’ve given birth in let me work until 2 weeks before the birth.  In Estonia women go on maternity leave 70-30 days before the due date meaning they HAVE TO stay at home from 36 weeks.  I would have been so bored and anxious sitting at home all that time, I think being busy and active as long as possible is much nicer.

I think that it’s also less stressful to have a baby in the country that you live in, that way you don’t have to travel with a young baby and there’s no stress of having to get a passport quickly to be able to go back “home”, etc.


As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?
I consider myself lucky to have had my first child in Australia.  Australians are very much into natural delivery and breastfeeding, and felt that I received a lot of very useful information and guidance throughout my pregnancy.  Once I was in labour, the midwives were exceptionally encouraging and calming.  I sent them both a huge bouquet of flowers afterwards, they made me feel very special.

After the birth they visited my room often to ensure that breastfeeding was going well, offering to help almost at every feeding.  Also, I was very happy that I was able to stay in the hospital for 4 days and that by the time I went home, the feeding was going well.

Once I was at home, I visited the local baby clinic almost every week initially.  It was a great environment to have a bit of one-on-one time with the nurse and get reassurance that everything was alright.

In England the situation was a bit different.  Every step of the way I felt like I was on a conveyor belt, being rushed through every appointment.  Thankfully I was having my second child so I didn’t mind too much because I was already equipped with a lot of information.

However, my second birth didn’t go very well at all. There is no point in blaming the country or the system, perhaps the planets just didn’t align that day.  Even after the long and traumatic birth, the aftercare was minimal.  That could have been because I had had my second one and maybe the opinion was that I didn’t need any support as I’d done it all before.  I really missed being able to stay in the hospital for more than 24 hours, the personal aftercare appointments and the general natural/breastfeeding promoting/baby wearing attitudes of the Aussies.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?
As mentioned already, Australia and Estonia are both very breastfeeding friendly.  The UK doesn’t seem to be there yet and it really saddens me when a new mother is not guided enough to establish breastfeeding before she leaves the hospital.

My boys were both born with tongue ties so feeding them was a bit tricky in the beginning.  Thankfully I had been taught a good method in Australia so by the time I got annoyed looks by the UK midwives for holding my second son in the “wrong position” I just told them to bugger off (as nicely as I could a day after giving birth 🙂 )

In regard to the tongue ties, in Estonia they would have probably be snipped at birth, just like they snipped my own when I was born.  Neither in Australia nor in the UK though did they think that was necessary.  I would have preferred for this minor surgery to be performed as soon as possible, I wasn’t keen to wait and see whether they’d have speech problems.  I couldn’t find a willing surgeon to perform these simple snips in neither country though so the boys had their tongues fixed in Estonia during our visits. We waited perhaps a bit too long with the oldest as he did require speech therapy later on.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
If giving birth in Australia, I would recommend going private – it does not cost very much if you have private health insurance (which almost everyone does have over there) and it ensures that you have your own room and can stay for up to 5 days.  I would also recommend going to the antenatal classes, even if you’ve had kids before in other countries – the information they share there about you anatomy and the process of labour was excellent and very useful once in labour.

After birth, definitely visit the baby clinics and the new mother’s groups that are set up in your area.  They are both very nice and reassuring environments to ask questions, get help if needed or just vent.

If giving birth in the UK, I would recommend choosing the opposite – the midwife led programme.  I had chosen the obstetrician led program, simply because it seemed similar to the Australian system, but in the end it meant that the midwives changed very often (too often) during labour and since no one had seen me before I felt that they just rushed through their shift and treated me like a number.

If I ever have another child, I would choose the midwife option to establish a good relationship with the women who are going to help me labour.  Although, I might have to go to a completely new country to give birth altogether in since so far every single member of our family has their very own and different birth country 🙂

Mrs B has blogged at www.crankymonkeys.com/blog since she became a mother, writing about the good and the bad – severe sleep deprivation, “sleep schools” in Australia, sunny Aussie life, moving to the UK, travelling, job hunting, settling into the life of a working mom, missed miscarriage, secondary infertility and post-natal depression and lately more and more positive stuff.

 

You can also find Mrs B on Twitter

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 


 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

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This week I talk to singer/songwriter Milja who is Finnish and had her baby daughter in France as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. She talks about having a “platinum baby” in Paris and bitchy nurses. Here is her story:

 

Milja KaunistoTell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her? I’m a Finnish singer-songwriter and pianist, mommy of one magnificent daughter… and not so long ago, a performer in a chic Paris piano-bar located somewhere between the Ritz and the old Opèra. As my 8-month pregnant belly no longer fit behind the bar’s grand piano, and my squeezed lungs became unable to yell ‘Proud Mary’ at 4 A.M. without me passing out on the keys, I gave up my night job and retreated to my horrid apartment.

Why did you have your daughter abroad?
My musician husband and me had started regretting our decision to have our child in Paris when it had occurred to us that our apartment wasn’t suitable for a child, or any human being at that. It wasn’t the mice, or that I got an electric chock every time I touched the stove, or that I had to wear a wool sweater night and day just to keep warm, or even that I had to heat my bathing water in a pot because there was no hot water available. It was that there was, in fact, no running water whatsoever, and that carrying 20-liter water containers twice a day couldn’t be done while pregnant.

I started to long for Finland’s clean, functional houses, almost all equipped with a personal sauna. But returning to Finland was no option. We hadn’t suffered the Parisians for six years, painstakingly building a network necessary for any musician to make a living, just to run back to Finnish schlager-style variety music. So we moved to a great deal more expensive apartment, one with running water… and two weeks later, out came Lydia, now two and half years old. Milja Kaunisto

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?
 Finland is a large country with a small population, meaning that hospitals are scarce and thus full. I had heard less pleasant birthing stories from my Finn-friends – the famed Finnish equality between sexes can also mean no pain killer unless there is a ‘real need’, such as c-section. They just tell you to shut up and push, ‘this is the way our foremothers did it and so should you’. The wimpy person that I am, I was relieved to see that the little public-healthcare clinic that was to be my birthing stall offered a wide variety of pain relief. And they had obstetricians specializing in acupuncture, massages or homeopathy, all included in the public healthcare system!

They had helped me tremendously with my pre-birthing hormonal madness, my elephant ankles and my fiery heartburn, so when my waters broke, I felt confident. The waiting room was full of women of all colors and languages. It was fascinating to see the cultural differences of these women when it came to pain. Some talked vividly in their cell phones all through contractions, some screamed theatrically along with the mother and the mother-in-law by the bedside, some demanded more painkillers in an animated french. As it turned out, my baby didn’t come out but 32 hours later, so I had plenty of time to observe everything around me. But after 30 hours, I went into shock and was being prepared for a c-section with the utmost care. I felt so grateful. My Algerian gynecologist surgeon did such a wonderful job, and just a few minutes later, I saw my little blonde Lydia come out, cool and relaxed, practically yawning. This was the very first platinum blonde Nordic baby the gynecologist and his staff had ever seen, and they couldn’t stop staring at her, all smiles.

Lydia and Milja

Lydia and Milja

 

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices? What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

I had been given a choice of a joint room or a single room, and since I do not watch TV and hate its sound, I had chosen a single room. As it happened, I was tangled in wired and hoses after the surgery, and could not do a thing without calling for help. Somehow they knew I was a singer, and at night as I pressed the help-button to go to the bathroom, I heard the nurses mumbling in the hallway. ‘Oh, it’s her again.’ ‘Who does she think she is, calling for us all the time?’ ‘Did you know that she’s a singer?’ ‘Oh, that’s why, then! She thinks of herself as a superstar!’ At this point the nurse stomped in and barked: ‘What now?’ In my hormonal state, I started crying, and pointed towards the bathroom. The next day when I had to call for help again, I heard: ‘Oh, come on, not again! Someone call her husband to come and give the diva some applause!’ Do they really think a piano-bar singer is the same as Beyoncé, I thought. But then, I heard these nurses whined about almost every patient – this one smelled, this one snored, this one was too fat. I decided to let the supervisor know about this, and what a change it made! Nothing but smiles and helpfulness after that!

In France, I’ve noticed, standing up for yourself risking a few moments of shame makes everything work. Mummies – defend your ground!

After a week at the clinic, I was let out with my baby. Not long after that, our landlord started busting in our new apartment with his own set of keys! We decided it was time to leave Paris.

We now live in a tiny medieval village in the southern France’s Aveyron. Instead of piano bars and concerts, we have a small music school and a studio, and a house five times the size for half the rent. I would not go back to Paris now that I’ve tasted the delights of the French countryside. The kind people, the fresh produce, the cheap living. And my little daughter ,that will go to a French school next year (that, I’m sure will make another weird chapter to write about) makes it all worth the while.

Milja Kaunisto is a singer-songwriter, mummy of one fantastic daughter, lover of great food, amateur writer and world-saver, traveling woman and part-time nut.

You can follow Milja on Twitter, Wix, My Space and you have to check out her Blog.

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

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PigletinFrance and Baby PigletThis week I talk to Sharon who is British and had her baby daughter in France as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. She talks about the importance of family values in France, the challenges of breastfeeding past 3 months (it’s not really “done” in France and following your heart. Here is her story:

 

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her?
I’m a 30 year old British expat living in the North Isere, France with my French husband, my daughter and my two cats. I moved to France from the UK aged 16 as I was an Ice Dancer and Lyons had the best training facilities in Europe. It was daunting arriving in a foreign country alone so young, especially as I didn’t speak any French. However, I soon picked up the language skills and France became my home.

My daughter was born in Valence, France in April 2011. I was living in Lyon and had planned to give birth in the Croix Rousse Hospital in Lyon as it had an excellent reputation and many of my friends had given birth there. Unfortunately due to my Husband and I moving area and a delay in our house purchase, I was unable to give birth where I had planned and ended up having a very difficult birth and after birth in Valence’s public hospital which left me in bed for a month post partum.

Why did you have your daughter abroad?
I didn’t specifically choose to have my daughter abroad. Living in France happened naturally for me and it seemed logical to have my baby here. My Husband and I had spent a few years in the UK together long before we decided to have children and we had both said at the time that if we do have children one day we would like to raise them in France.

France places much more value on Family Values in my opinion than the UK does. I love how meal times are family affairs here and how frequently families get together and make efforts to stay in touch. My Husband and I are as close to some of his French family members as we are to our friends and we want that for our children as well. I know that parents influence the education of their children but I also believe culture does too and I really respect the French culture for the importance they place on family.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?
Having moved to France at such a young age I consider that I already know some of the benefits as I’d experienced growing up in a foreign country myself. Access to a second language and different cultures for a child is fantastic and part of their life education. Aside from the benefits for my baby I don’t think there was really any benefit to me but that is probably because I had a very difficult birth experience and often when things go wrong you want to be in your own country.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?
Initially, I was quite blasé about the whole thing and felt that the French placed a lot of drama around such a natural experience. Everything in France is very medicalised and I can remember being told off as I hadn’t had any check ups before my 12 week scan. I had opted not to have any early check ups as I had miscarried the year before and had been through a circus of check ups that led to nothing but stress. Some women find the constant check ups re-assuring but I chose to let nature decide what to do and was at peace with my decision but the Drs didn’t understand.
I also chose to be followed solely by a midwife rather than an Obstetrician which is rare in France and my French friends and family thought I was mad. Despite the difficulties I encountered with the birth and after birth (which were largely due to the medical incompetence of the Obstetrician) I am still happy with how I managed my pregnancy and would opt to be followed by a midwife again. I would even consider having a home birth which is quite rare in France.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?
Aside from my choice of not wishing to have my pregnancy over medicalised, I haven’t encountered too many differences as yet as my daughter is still very young. A lot of my friends and French family seem surprised that I am still breastfeeding my daughter (she is 3 months old). It seems as if it is automatically assumed that she would be on formula by this age.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
Thankfully I am fluent in French so I was able to make my wishes understood but even then (especially after the birth whilst I was in dreadful pain) I sometimes wished I could explain how I felt and ask my questions in English, just for re-assurance that I was being understood. If you’re not fluent in the local language I would definitely recommend either finding a Dr that speaks your language or finding someone to help with translation.

Also, go with your heart. Just because something is the “done thing” in the country you’re giving birth in doesn’t mean to say it is the right or best thing for your baby. I do a lot based on instinct and will continue to do this as I have a contented baby so must be doing something right!

 

Connect with Sharon on Twitter and on facebook also check out her blog for, often hilarious, stories about living in France
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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: DUBAI, UAE

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Having a baby in Dubai expatIt’s back to the United Arab Emirates this week as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making to hear Catherine’s story about having her son in Dubai.  She talks about feeling nervous about being abroad, the benefits of private healthcare and the differences between Dubai and the UK. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself. Where are your from? How old is your son, and where did you have him?
I’m 32 years old, from the South West of England – a village in Weston-super-Mare. I grew up in Oslo, Norway. My son William is 13 months and baby number two is due in November. Will was born in City Hospital, Dubai, and hopefully our second will be born there as well with the same obstetrician.

Why did you have your son abroad?
We had Will in Dubai as, for the moment, it’s home for us – I’ve lived there for ten years and my husband for six, and we never really considered having him anywhere else. While I’m sure healthcare in the UK is first-rate, my sister had horrendous birth experiences with her first two children and I’ve often read maternity care is an area needing some attention thanks to understaffing and over-stretched resources. We did also feel going back to the UK to have our baby would have been cheating, as neither of us has contributed to the country for some time and we’re no longer eligible for NHS care (and quite rightly so).

As an expectant mother abroad, how did you feel?
I was nervous about having our baby abroad as I knew I wouldn’t have my immediate family to hand straight away, but as it happened Mum was over on holiday when my doctor decided to induce so that was a stroke of luck! I did feel somewhat isolated, though, and distanced even more from my family at a time when I would have liked to have been closer to them, especially since my sister already had two children and was pregnant with her third.

Catherine with Will & her husband

Given that my healthcare in Dubai was private, I was concerned that I might end up undergoing tests or procedures that weren’t strictly necessary purely for money-making purposes, but again my choice of doctor reassured me, as she had worked in the UK for a number of years before relocating to Dubai. I was also very concerned I might be pushed into a C-section (I wish I had been now!) but she was very supportive of my wish for a natural birth. I found that pretty much anyone and everyone had an opinion – something I doubt I’d have encountered in the UK – and they weren’t frightened to share it. I never expected to have to defend my choice of not having an NT scan over the coffee machine in the office! I also found some of the medical professionals (and I use that word lightly) somewhat less than subtle in their manner; the doctor who did our anomaly scan at 20 weeks announced that I must have pregnancy diabetes as ‘baby is fat’. Er, OK.

What do you feel are the benefits of having a child abroad?
As healthcare in Dubai is mainly private, one of the benefits was a lovely modern hospital with private rooms. Superficial, yes, but I’d imagine having to be in a ward with other women after one of the most traumatic experiences of my life would have been a little less than ideal! Another benefit, especially for me, was that my maternity care was entirely the responsibility of an obstetrician, whereas at home I may only have seen someone this senior in case of any problems. I had pre-eclampsia and a difficult delivery thanks to being induced, and I was very reassured to have a specialist taking care of me. Not that the midwives weren’t excellent – they were beyond excellent – but I hadn’t had the easiest of pregnancies and I was grateful for the extra level of care.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?
I’d say to others in our situation, find yourselves as much of a support network as you possibly can. I managed to meet up with a group of mums-to-be all due around the same time and found them invaluable – we were all so supportive of each other, we really did take the place of family when family simply couldn’t be there. We still keep in touch now and two of us are pregnant again. And one more tip; if you do have any doubts about the care you’re receiving, see if you can find out what would happen back at home. Having my sister at home who’d been there and done that, so we could compare, was great for me but I also managed to find information on NHS websites and through other online resources to put my mind at rest.

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: JAPAN

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Having a baby abroad JapanThis week we go to Japan as part of the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making to hear Erica’s story. She talks about the cultural differences between her native country Canada and her current home, Japan.  A fascinating story about language barriers, keeping small babies inside and never putting socks or shoes on your baby. Here is her story:

 

Tell me a bit about yourself. Where are your from? How old is your daughter, and where did you have her?
I’m a mother to one-year-old Stella who was born in Japan, a wife to a wonderful Swiss man, a blogger, a freelancer and a trailing spouse. I was born and raised in Ottawa, Canada, but I’ve lived in seven different countries, countless cities, and a few tiny backwaters.

We are currently calling Japan “home”, and dreaming of our next adventure.

Why did you have your daughter abroad?
We had my daughter abroad because I wanted my husband to be present at the birth. He has a demanding job, and so returning to Canada, or Switzerland, or the US for the birth wouldn’t be practical.

As an expectant mother abroad, how did you feel?
Like many expectant mothers, I felt a mix of emotions: I was excited, impatient and thrilled to become a mother. But I was also incredibly anxious about having a baby abroad.

I got pregnant the week we moved to Japan, so in addition to culture shock, homesickness, and pregnancy crazysauce, I had to find and furnishing an apartment, and figure out prenatal care while dealing with a massive language barrier. Hence the anxiety.

I wanted everything to be perfect and I wasted considerable effort worrying that things wouldn’t be done “the right way”. Finally, two weeks before my daughter was due, I decided to just relax and trust the doctors. That was the best thing that I could have done.

My daughter’s birth was not perfect. Medical interventions were made that probably wouldn’t have been had we been in North America and Stella was rushed to the NICU in a different hospital where she stayed for her first four days. Still, I feel really positive about the experience. My doctor was so helpful, the midwives, despite our language barrier were incredibly kind and patient and more than willing to accommodate my strange, foreign wishes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stella

 

 

 

 

 

What do you feel are the benefits of having a child abroad?
There are many. In Asia there it is normal to take a long period of rest after the birth of a child. I stayed in the birth center for five days recovering from a normal, uncomplicated (for me) delivery. Most women stay at least a week. People were shocked that I took my daughter out for a walk seven days after she was born!

Having a child abroad has taught me to be a more flexible parent. I was fairly dogmatic about my attachment parenting crunchy granola beliefs, but circumstances have forced me to compromise on some of these principles. Seeing so many happy, healthy, well adjusted children who are not raised “by the book” tells me that there are as many ways to parent a child as there are children to be parented, and the best thing you can do is relax, do what works in your family and be kind to yourself.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?Pre-natal care in Japan is quite different. Doctors are much more paternalistic. One big difference is the recommended weight gain; mothers are only allowed to gain 6-10 KG in pregnancy, and doctors enforce this strictly. Mothers are even put on diets while pregnant! Let’s just say that the doctors were not too impressed with my 20 KG weight gain!

Prenatal care is also more cautious in Japan. For example, even uncomplicated pregnancies get an ultra-sound at each and every OB visit, and Non Stress Tests are administered routinely in the final three or four weeks of pregnancy. Also, I was instructed to come to the birth center as soon as contractions started and not permitted to labour at home.

In some ways, parenting in Japan is very similar to my attachment parenting style. Co-sleeping is the norm here; breastfeeding is encouraged; most mothers give birth without pain medication; and baby wearing is common. In other ways it is quite different; babies are held less, and are allowed to cry longer. Parents are liberal with television and sweets, and I get the feeling that mothers are less uptight about parenting in general.

The Japanese approach to baby sleep is quite different. Babies are put to bed much later, at about 9 PM and it is accepted that babies wake frequently during the night. I once mentioned that I wanted to try to night ween my very wakeful 10 month-old, and the other mothers looked at me like I was a crazy person.

Also, babies never wear shoes. And rarely wear socks. Even in winter. I still don’t know why.

I love observing and cataloging these differences in child rearing. It is so interesting to see that much of the baby rearing wisdom we hold as fact is actually culturally based.

 

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
My best advice is to relax. Find a doctor who most closely shares your approach to prenatal care and birth (you won’t find someone who thinks exactly like you do, but close enough is good enough) and then trust your doctor. Don’t get caught up in the minutia of baby prep, birth plans or small details of baby rearing. Relax an enjoy the process of becoming a parent. You and your baby will be happier for it.

 

Connect with Erica on her great blog: www.expatriababy.com or on Twitter

 

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

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Having a baby abroad franceI am back in France, once again as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. This week I talk to Ashely who had her daughter in France and is expecting her 2nd baby in November.  Here is here story on becoming a mother away from her home country of the US and being spoled by the French medical system

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her?

I grew up in sunny California, and now live in not so sunny France, about an hour East of Paris.  My daughter is 20 months old, and I am currently expecting Baby #2 for November.

Why did you have your  daughter abroad?

I had my child (and will have our future child(ren)) abroad, well, because we live here!  I didn’t really have any other option to be honest.  I no longer carry any insurance elsewhere, and in all honesty, I don’t know that I would have wanted to have my baby elsewhere.  I like where we live, and I can’t imagine leaving to birth a baby elsewhere, unless of course it was on Ina May Gaskin’s “Farm”…

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

Living in France, I feel lucky that all costs related to my birth were taken care of by either the social security system, or our complementary insurance.  Something that can be both good and bad, depending, is the amount of time spent in the hospital after the birth.  I ended up with a C-Section due to a breech baby, and stayed in the hospital for 5 days before being released!  While I know that this is to make sure Mom and Baby are in top condition before leaving, it was a little too long for me personally.

Another benefit I had, was an IBCLC midwife that came to my home for several days once I was home, to help us with breastfeeding while got off to a rocky start.  I don’t think that I would have nursed as long as I did without this IBCLC’s support.  A ‘future’ benefit to having consequent children in France for me, is that France seems to be very VBAC friendly.  When I asked my Doctor about a VBAC for this baby, he seemed sincerely surprised that I was even asking.  It was obvious to him that we would be aiming for a VBAC, and a repeat C-Section if only really necessary.

Ashley and Miss L

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

I felt spoiled!  I was put on a medical leave for the last few months of my pregnancy due to a really long commute and high-ish blood pressure.  There are special lines at the grocery store for expectant mothers, old ladies would put anything heavy in my cart for me, in general it was a very positive experience.  I did have a few less pleasant experiences, but all in all, it was great!

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

I am not sure how a breech baby would have been ‘handled’ in the US, but I think very similarly to how it was here.  As for parenting choices, the French, in general, parent quite differently then us.  Their babies always wear slippers, and (way too) covered up, and are on strict feeding schedules from a very young age.  I guess I could be qualified as an Attachment Parenting type. Having a baby abroad I (still) breastfeed my daughter more or less on demand.  She co-slept for a long time, and still does sometimes, I don’t spank, I don’t have strict mealtimes, I don’t let my child cry it out, and I don’t read any ‘parenting’ books.  I’d much rather follow my heart and my child’s lead.  Parents like us in France are rare.  I feel like in the US I would have been able to find a group of like minded parents with more ease.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
I think the best advice for any mom, is to follow your heart.  The best ‘expert’ on your child is you.  Not someone who wrote a book, not the neighbor, not even your own parents.

Connect with Ashley on Twitter and on her blog

 

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com