Tag Archives: new mother

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: DUBAI, UAE

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Having a baby in Dubai expatIt’s back to the United Arab Emirates this week as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making to hear Catherine’s story about having her son in Dubai.  She talks about feeling nervous about being abroad, the benefits of private healthcare and the differences between Dubai and the UK. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself. Where are your from? How old is your son, and where did you have him?
I’m 32 years old, from the South West of England – a village in Weston-super-Mare. I grew up in Oslo, Norway. My son William is 13 months and baby number two is due in November. Will was born in City Hospital, Dubai, and hopefully our second will be born there as well with the same obstetrician.

Why did you have your son abroad?
We had Will in Dubai as, for the moment, it’s home for us – I’ve lived there for ten years and my husband for six, and we never really considered having him anywhere else. While I’m sure healthcare in the UK is first-rate, my sister had horrendous birth experiences with her first two children and I’ve often read maternity care is an area needing some attention thanks to understaffing and over-stretched resources. We did also feel going back to the UK to have our baby would have been cheating, as neither of us has contributed to the country for some time and we’re no longer eligible for NHS care (and quite rightly so).

As an expectant mother abroad, how did you feel?
I was nervous about having our baby abroad as I knew I wouldn’t have my immediate family to hand straight away, but as it happened Mum was over on holiday when my doctor decided to induce so that was a stroke of luck! I did feel somewhat isolated, though, and distanced even more from my family at a time when I would have liked to have been closer to them, especially since my sister already had two children and was pregnant with her third.

Catherine with Will & her husband

Given that my healthcare in Dubai was private, I was concerned that I might end up undergoing tests or procedures that weren’t strictly necessary purely for money-making purposes, but again my choice of doctor reassured me, as she had worked in the UK for a number of years before relocating to Dubai. I was also very concerned I might be pushed into a C-section (I wish I had been now!) but she was very supportive of my wish for a natural birth. I found that pretty much anyone and everyone had an opinion – something I doubt I’d have encountered in the UK – and they weren’t frightened to share it. I never expected to have to defend my choice of not having an NT scan over the coffee machine in the office! I also found some of the medical professionals (and I use that word lightly) somewhat less than subtle in their manner; the doctor who did our anomaly scan at 20 weeks announced that I must have pregnancy diabetes as ‘baby is fat’. Er, OK.

What do you feel are the benefits of having a child abroad?
As healthcare in Dubai is mainly private, one of the benefits was a lovely modern hospital with private rooms. Superficial, yes, but I’d imagine having to be in a ward with other women after one of the most traumatic experiences of my life would have been a little less than ideal! Another benefit, especially for me, was that my maternity care was entirely the responsibility of an obstetrician, whereas at home I may only have seen someone this senior in case of any problems. I had pre-eclampsia and a difficult delivery thanks to being induced, and I was very reassured to have a specialist taking care of me. Not that the midwives weren’t excellent – they were beyond excellent – but I hadn’t had the easiest of pregnancies and I was grateful for the extra level of care.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?
I’d say to others in our situation, find yourselves as much of a support network as you possibly can. I managed to meet up with a group of mums-to-be all due around the same time and found them invaluable – we were all so supportive of each other, we really did take the place of family when family simply couldn’t be there. We still keep in touch now and two of us are pregnant again. And one more tip; if you do have any doubts about the care you’re receiving, see if you can find out what would happen back at home. Having my sister at home who’d been there and done that, so we could compare, was great for me but I also managed to find information on NHS websites and through other online resources to put my mind at rest.

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: JAPAN

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Having a baby abroad JapanThis week we go to Japan as part of the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making to hear Erica’s story. She talks about the cultural differences between her native country Canada and her current home, Japan.  A fascinating story about language barriers, keeping small babies inside and never putting socks or shoes on your baby. Here is her story:

 

Tell me a bit about yourself. Where are your from? How old is your daughter, and where did you have her?
I’m a mother to one-year-old Stella who was born in Japan, a wife to a wonderful Swiss man, a blogger, a freelancer and a trailing spouse. I was born and raised in Ottawa, Canada, but I’ve lived in seven different countries, countless cities, and a few tiny backwaters.

We are currently calling Japan “home”, and dreaming of our next adventure.

Why did you have your daughter abroad?
We had my daughter abroad because I wanted my husband to be present at the birth. He has a demanding job, and so returning to Canada, or Switzerland, or the US for the birth wouldn’t be practical.

As an expectant mother abroad, how did you feel?
Like many expectant mothers, I felt a mix of emotions: I was excited, impatient and thrilled to become a mother. But I was also incredibly anxious about having a baby abroad.

I got pregnant the week we moved to Japan, so in addition to culture shock, homesickness, and pregnancy crazysauce, I had to find and furnishing an apartment, and figure out prenatal care while dealing with a massive language barrier. Hence the anxiety.

I wanted everything to be perfect and I wasted considerable effort worrying that things wouldn’t be done “the right way”. Finally, two weeks before my daughter was due, I decided to just relax and trust the doctors. That was the best thing that I could have done.

My daughter’s birth was not perfect. Medical interventions were made that probably wouldn’t have been had we been in North America and Stella was rushed to the NICU in a different hospital where she stayed for her first four days. Still, I feel really positive about the experience. My doctor was so helpful, the midwives, despite our language barrier were incredibly kind and patient and more than willing to accommodate my strange, foreign wishes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stella

 

 

 

 

 

What do you feel are the benefits of having a child abroad?
There are many. In Asia there it is normal to take a long period of rest after the birth of a child. I stayed in the birth center for five days recovering from a normal, uncomplicated (for me) delivery. Most women stay at least a week. People were shocked that I took my daughter out for a walk seven days after she was born!

Having a child abroad has taught me to be a more flexible parent. I was fairly dogmatic about my attachment parenting crunchy granola beliefs, but circumstances have forced me to compromise on some of these principles. Seeing so many happy, healthy, well adjusted children who are not raised “by the book” tells me that there are as many ways to parent a child as there are children to be parented, and the best thing you can do is relax, do what works in your family and be kind to yourself.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?Pre-natal care in Japan is quite different. Doctors are much more paternalistic. One big difference is the recommended weight gain; mothers are only allowed to gain 6-10 KG in pregnancy, and doctors enforce this strictly. Mothers are even put on diets while pregnant! Let’s just say that the doctors were not too impressed with my 20 KG weight gain!

Prenatal care is also more cautious in Japan. For example, even uncomplicated pregnancies get an ultra-sound at each and every OB visit, and Non Stress Tests are administered routinely in the final three or four weeks of pregnancy. Also, I was instructed to come to the birth center as soon as contractions started and not permitted to labour at home.

In some ways, parenting in Japan is very similar to my attachment parenting style. Co-sleeping is the norm here; breastfeeding is encouraged; most mothers give birth without pain medication; and baby wearing is common. In other ways it is quite different; babies are held less, and are allowed to cry longer. Parents are liberal with television and sweets, and I get the feeling that mothers are less uptight about parenting in general.

The Japanese approach to baby sleep is quite different. Babies are put to bed much later, at about 9 PM and it is accepted that babies wake frequently during the night. I once mentioned that I wanted to try to night ween my very wakeful 10 month-old, and the other mothers looked at me like I was a crazy person.

Also, babies never wear shoes. And rarely wear socks. Even in winter. I still don’t know why.

I love observing and cataloging these differences in child rearing. It is so interesting to see that much of the baby rearing wisdom we hold as fact is actually culturally based.

 

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
My best advice is to relax. Find a doctor who most closely shares your approach to prenatal care and birth (you won’t find someone who thinks exactly like you do, but close enough is good enough) and then trust your doctor. Don’t get caught up in the minutia of baby prep, birth plans or small details of baby rearing. Relax an enjoy the process of becoming a parent. You and your baby will be happier for it.

 

Connect with Erica on her great blog: www.expatriababy.com or on Twitter

 

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: United Kingdom

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This week we go to the UK as part of the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making. Deborah has two sons; one born in the UK and the other, in her home country, the US. She talks about the challenges of having a baby so far away from family and friends, the taboo that is natural childbirth and glamour of driving a mini-van. Here is her story:

 

Deborah and Gabriella with their sons Asher and Levi

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?
I’m Deborah Goldstein, freelance writer, columnist for Patch.com and mother to 7-year-old Asher and 4-year-old Levi. I’m a Gemini married to a Sagittarius, which seems to work out ok. My partner Gabriella and I have been together 17 years, and we still like each other for the most part. I was born in New York City, spent most of my childhood in the suburbs outside of Chicago, gave birth the first time around in London and now I’m back in U.S. driving around the glamorous suburbs of New Jersey in my mini-van.

Why did you have your children abroad?
In 1999, my partner Gabriella and I started itching to travel. We decided that we’d move overseas wherever either of us could find work. Her company offered her a job in London, and we lived there for 7 years. We had our first child at the Royal Free Hospital’s birth centre in Belsize Park in 2003. In 2006, Gabriella’s company offered her another job in NYC, so we said, “Toodle pip!” to the UK. Our 2nd child was born at the birthing center at Roosevelt Hospital in New York.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?
Because our first birth experience was abroad, we had no point of reference. Having given birth in the U.S. the second time around, I’ve looked at birth from both sides now as the song goes. My first child kicked a hole in the placenta at 35 weeks, and my 33 ½ hours of labor followed. I am confident now that doctors would have pushed me to have an unnecessary C-section had I given birth in the U.S. They would not have tolerated such a long labor with a premature baby. Our local hospital St. Barnabas in New Jersey is topping the C-section charts at 49% of all births.

 

Having a baby abroad UK

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?
You know how you buy an old house to fix-up because it has so much potential, and then you come to the conclusion that potential is really expensive and stressful and you vow never to do that again? But you didn’t know what to expect when you bought that house, and your contractor told you it had such good bones, and your vision of what could be was so very idyllic. We had no idea what to expect which was probably a good thing. Expecting a child for the first time was a similar experience. We romanticized our life with baby and looked forward to becoming parents. Neither one of us ever imagined how difficult it would be to parent without the support of friends or family. Those months of sleep-deprivation made the first trimester of flat-on-my-back morning-noon-and-night sickness look like a doddle.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?
The medical system in the U.S. teaches pregnant women to be afraid of pregnancy and birth, and doctors convince us to trust the medical establishment over our own bodies. They aren’t completely to blame when insurance companies have got them by the short hairs. Doctors would much rather perform surgery they can control rather than leave birth up to nature. And then there’s the issue of pain. Women in the U.S. will do anything to avoid what they’ve been taught is unbearable pain. Look, I won’t lie and say that it wasn’t painful, but I think the unfamiliarity of that kind of pain is what’s most shocking the first time around. Think about the first time you experienced any kind of pain like stubbing your toe. It still hurts when you do it again, but you are familiar with the sensation, and it’s not as scary. When you recognize what’s happening to you (and one child has stretched you out sufficiently), the pain is not nearly as significant the next time. When I tell other mothers that I gave birth without drugs, they look at me like I’ve got a tail growing out of my ear. Would you believe that it’s easier to tell people that I’m gay than it is to discuss birth? In the U.S., I am fairly closeted about my birth choices.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
You are your own best advocate. Do some reading. Trust your choices. And always accept help from others. And, as a wise friend told me regarding the many mistakes we think we make along the way, your children grow up in spite of you.

You can follow Deborah onTwitter and also check out her blog Peaches & Coconuts

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: IRELAND

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Tahera at home with baby Leila

Tahera at home with baby Leila

Next up in the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making we are in Ireland.  Here is Tahera’s story about having her daughter abroad, even if it didn’t feel abroad to her. She talks about the challenges of having a premature baby, being away from her family and feeling isolated. Here is her story:

 

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her?
Hi, I’m Tahera Khorakiwala. I’m 30 years old. I’m Indian but I grew up in the Middle East. Initially Saudi Arabia until I was 8 years old and then Oman until I was 18 at which point I moved to Dublin, Ireland for college. I met my husband in college. After graduation we were both offered positions in Dublin and we took advantage of these opportunities to further our post graduate training. We were married three years later and in June 2009 our little girl arrived nine weeks early.

 

Why did you have your daughter abroad?
Leila was born in Dublin, Ireland for no other reason than this is the country where both my husband and I resided at the time of her birth. I’m not the kind of person to live in one country where I get all my medical consultations and travel to a second country to give birth. I firmly believe that my medical care and the place of my delivery should be the same. Ireland is a pioneering centre setting the standards in modern obstetric care around the world. I had no problems giving birth here. I would do it again.

 

 

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?
My child was premature and sick for most of her first year necessitating repeated hospital admissions, multiple surgical operations with multidisciplinary care and medium-term follow up. I’m not sure she would have received this level of care in a country where the healthcare system was less sophisticated or in fact even have survived her birth.

 

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?
I didn’t feel I was abroad. I’ve felt at home in Ireland for a long time now; having said that, it would have been nice to have my family nearby to share the exciting milestones of pregnancy with. In the time the followed her birth, again it would have been lovely to have my family here every step of the way. I must confess though that my family has been superlative in their commitment to my and my daughter’s welfare and they have travelled numerous times to lend support during Leila’s stormy first year. Once Leila had recovered and it was possible to participate in group baby activities, I did feel isolated. There was no one to cushion the daily blows of our situation. People would stop us on the street regularly and comment on how tiny she was. They would point at her and exclaim to each other. We couldn’t participate in many activities that babies her age were participating in because she was so far behind. It was lonely. Sadly while Ireland has excellent doctors and healthcare workers it didn’t have much in the way of community support for parents of premature babies. This is changing now and there is an excellent group called Irish Premature Babies doing some wonderful work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?
I don’t think so. I believe that around the world people are misinformed equally about what it means to be born premature. There is an impression that premature babies are simply small but they will all turn out just fine. This is not true. The possible outcomes for premature babies range from death to long term chronic health issues such as cerebral palsy, medium term health issues such as cardiac defects requiring surgical intervention, short term health issues such as dependence on oxygen in the first few months following discharge to no difficulties whatsoever.

My parenting choices have been governed by her health issues. I do not believe these would have been questioned anywhere under the same circumstances.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
You don’t have to do it all on your own. Help and support can come from anywhere. It may be your neighbour asking if there is anything he or she can do for you. It may be an internet group offering you a forum where you can vent and be heard. It may be your parents or your siblings. It doesn’t matter. Help is help in whatever form or language it appears. You need every single last bit of it you can get. Don’t turn any away. You don’t have to do it all on your own. They may not understand what you’re going through exactly but they still want to help. Let them.

 

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

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Having a baby abroad franceI am back in France, once again as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. This week I talk to Ashely who had her daughter in France and is expecting her 2nd baby in November.  Here is here story on becoming a mother away from her home country of the US and being spoled by the French medical system

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her?

I grew up in sunny California, and now live in not so sunny France, about an hour East of Paris.  My daughter is 20 months old, and I am currently expecting Baby #2 for November.

Why did you have your  daughter abroad?

I had my child (and will have our future child(ren)) abroad, well, because we live here!  I didn’t really have any other option to be honest.  I no longer carry any insurance elsewhere, and in all honesty, I don’t know that I would have wanted to have my baby elsewhere.  I like where we live, and I can’t imagine leaving to birth a baby elsewhere, unless of course it was on Ina May Gaskin’s “Farm”…

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

Living in France, I feel lucky that all costs related to my birth were taken care of by either the social security system, or our complementary insurance.  Something that can be both good and bad, depending, is the amount of time spent in the hospital after the birth.  I ended up with a C-Section due to a breech baby, and stayed in the hospital for 5 days before being released!  While I know that this is to make sure Mom and Baby are in top condition before leaving, it was a little too long for me personally.

Another benefit I had, was an IBCLC midwife that came to my home for several days once I was home, to help us with breastfeeding while got off to a rocky start.  I don’t think that I would have nursed as long as I did without this IBCLC’s support.  A ‘future’ benefit to having consequent children in France for me, is that France seems to be very VBAC friendly.  When I asked my Doctor about a VBAC for this baby, he seemed sincerely surprised that I was even asking.  It was obvious to him that we would be aiming for a VBAC, and a repeat C-Section if only really necessary.

Ashley and Miss L

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

I felt spoiled!  I was put on a medical leave for the last few months of my pregnancy due to a really long commute and high-ish blood pressure.  There are special lines at the grocery store for expectant mothers, old ladies would put anything heavy in my cart for me, in general it was a very positive experience.  I did have a few less pleasant experiences, but all in all, it was great!

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

I am not sure how a breech baby would have been ‘handled’ in the US, but I think very similarly to how it was here.  As for parenting choices, the French, in general, parent quite differently then us.  Their babies always wear slippers, and (way too) covered up, and are on strict feeding schedules from a very young age.  I guess I could be qualified as an Attachment Parenting type. Having a baby abroad I (still) breastfeed my daughter more or less on demand.  She co-slept for a long time, and still does sometimes, I don’t spank, I don’t have strict mealtimes, I don’t let my child cry it out, and I don’t read any ‘parenting’ books.  I’d much rather follow my heart and my child’s lead.  Parents like us in France are rare.  I feel like in the US I would have been able to find a group of like minded parents with more ease.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
I think the best advice for any mom, is to follow your heart.  The best ‘expert’ on your child is you.  Not someone who wrote a book, not the neighbor, not even your own parents.

Connect with Ashley on Twitter and on her blog

 

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

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Next up in the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making we are back in France to hear about MLMom’s experience of having a baby in the South of France.   She takes us through her experience of avoiding stinky gooey cheese, the perils of trying to understand why pregnancy is counted as 41weeks in France and missing family. Here is her story.

 Having a baby abroadTell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her?

Well, I grew up in Mexico and the United States, but have lived in France for over 8 years. I met my husband here and we have a daughter, LilO, who will be one year old in July. We lived in Paris for a couple of years, but the weather and the high prices made us move to the south, where our daughter was born.

I finished my law studies in France last year and I am currently looking for a job. I have been lucky to spend all this time with my daughter since she was born and now I want to find a job that will allow me to enjoy my family life. The minimum of 5 weeks legal paid vacations in France is a good start, but I’m hoping to find something interesting by this coming fall.

I also just started writing a blog, Multilingual Mom (MLMom) where I hope I’ll get the opportunity to talk about my experience living here, raising LilO in France and all the ins-and-outs of the cultural differences I enjoy pointing out so much 🙂

Why did you have your daughter abroad?

We live in France and it was naturally here that we decided to have our daughter. Though I have been living here for 8 years, I still consider myself to be living “abroad”. I still wonder how long that will last!

 

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

I love the fact that our daughter lives in another country, and will be raised in a multicultural environment. I also enjoy knowing that we have so many countries close to us and we can travel easily and learn so much.

As a non-benefit (even if I was not asked!) I would definitely list having my family so far away. We don’t get to see my family as often as we can, and that I do dislike and can get to me at times.

 

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

I can still remember the day I found out I was pregnant I started jumping up and down and couldn’t stop for over ten minutes. Then I decided I’d slow down because I didn’t want my baby to get motion sickness. I was scared, happy, overwhelmed, everything at once!

I am very thankful for the excellent care I had throughout my pregnancy. Although the situations can be different from person to person, even the minimum French prenatal care is excellent. I was able to have a sonogram when I was just 6 weeks along, and I had one every month at least to check on the baby and to calm down any nervous future mom nerves I might have.

When I was 24 weeks along, a member of my family passed away and I was heartbroken. I had such a hard time being so far away from the rest of my family. I felt so alone. I realize it’s still difficult to write about it. Three weeks later I had my scheduled sonogram and we found that the baby’s abdominal circumference was not as it should be — in other words, our baby was “skinny”. My OB sent me to get different tests immediately and sonograms done over the next few weeks followed and it turns out everything was just fine… but I really needed to take my stress level down for a while, since it might have been what had affected me and the baby. Hard to do, but the baby got back on track very quick.

I was also very happy to have found a good OB right before getting pregnant. He recommended a great midwife, with whom I had 10 sessions and was able to learn about the baby, getting physically and mentally ready, exercises, breastfeeding techniques, breasfeeding support group if I wanted… I really felt pampered and I loved it.

I learned that if I wished, I could have a midwife come to my house as many times as I would need her to after the baby was born if I needed any help with breastfeeding. That really boosted my confidence and helped me though the first 7 days (yes, I counted them!) which were VERY difficult for me.

 

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

Let’s see… YES!!!! Definitely. First of all, the French pregnancy lasts 41 weeks, not 40 like in most countries of the world. I kept saying 40 weeks to my OB in hopes he’d change his way of thinking.  I didn’t think that would really matter except when it came to me being overdue until I went OVER those 41 weeks! My baby was born 41w5d. Thankfully, haha.

Another thing was: “do you have the toxo“? Toxoplasmosis is a parasitic disease that can harm the foetus if you contract it duringpregnancy. Men don’t care if they have it or not. But as a woman, if you have it before you don’t need to worry about it either.  If you don’t, then you have to be careful so you don’t get it during pregnancy and they monitor this so they can react with proper treatment if you do.

My friends abroad were never tested for this and here I was getting blood drawn every month to check I did not suddenly have the parasite!!! I guess after 7 years of living in France and no parasite (since according to Wikipedia 88% of the French have it but it’s not as common in the US) I should have just kept my old habits, but here I was desperately trying to eat strawberries (the baby wanted them!) and I had bought my special fruit brush where I would brush each strawberry and wash them for over 20 minutes so I could eat them in less than 20 seconds.

The list of what you can and can’t eat was different than that of my American friends. They were told to avoid lunchmeat and soft cheeses, I was told to avoid raw ham and stinky gooey raw milk farm cheese.

The see differences continue to happen even once the baby is here. I have had an excellent experience with breastfeeding, finding everyone around me very supportive, except for my dentist who had suggested I weaned my baby so he could replace a filling. After that (last) appointment with him was over, I looked for another competent doctor and I was good to go.

LilO’s pediatrician is great and supports our cultural differences. Maybe because I gave him a weird look when he was surprised my baby had avocados as one of her first foods and he almost fell off his chair. An “exotic” fruit?! Goodness!

One thing I can also be very thankful about was the hospital care. I had someone on the phone 24/7 if I had questions about the baby, movement, first time mom panic.. anything. I went to the hospital three times for different reasons (feelings, pains, etc) and they welcomed me every single time with a huge smile, telling me I had made the right decision coming in if I had any doubts. I was also monitored every 48 hours after  week 40 since I had some swelling and they wanted to make sure everything was ok.

I was very greatful to have a pediatrician 24/7 as well during those first few weeks where even a lack of poop worries this mom. Even today I know that I can have a doctor come in the middle of the night if something is wrong, everything covered by our health insurance, and I think it has given me peace of mind even if (thankfully) we have never had to ask a doctor to come and see LilO.

 

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

Enjoy every minute and follow your instincts. Nobody knows your body or your baby better than you, and nobody is there with your baby during the night BUT you. Research and ask all the questions you can. And if you don’t get the answers or you feel ignored, change your healthcare provider if possible. It can make a world of a difference.

And no matter how often people tell you over and over again to “enjoy it because time goes by so fast”.. well… it really does.

Connect with MLMom on Twitter and Facebook as well as Multilingual Mom (MLMom)

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Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: HONG KONG

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Having a baby abroad Hong kongNext up in the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making we go to Hong Kong to hear Rebekah’s story about how she had her daughter abroad. She talks about having a baby in Hong Kong, the differences in care and the dilemma of where to have another baby!

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her?

I grew up in the outskirts of Chicago, and moved to “the city” as it’s called by us ruralites, for college. I met Hubs my junior year, and we had quite an instant connection. He soon after moved to Tokyo, the first sign of our life to come. We married in 2007 and moved to Hong Kong 4 months later. I found I was pregnant with Harriet the day we were to move, and she was born at Matilda International Hospital here in Hong Kong.

 

Why did you have your daughter abroad?

There were two big factors. first, we had great insurance when Harriet was born, and it paid for a much nicer hospital here than I’d ever have in the states, but second and more important, I didn’t want to be separated from Hubs when giving birth. He’s my cliché rock and I didn’t want to go through it without him.

 

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

This could be controversial, but one of the major advantages was that after Harriet was born, we had time to become a family before introducing her to the rest of ours. We enjoyed having time to figure things out. It took a lot of the stress off, and helped us to get to know our daughter. It meant that by the time we did take her “home” at 7 weeks to introduce her to family, there was no way anyone could suggest they knew better than we did how to care for her. The other major benefit was simply that it made us feel at home here. we had a family here, it gave us some roots, and if you know anything about us, roots aren’t something we have a lot of.

 

Harrie

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

Initially I was very nervous about the system here, as private hospitals book almost as soon as pregnancy is confirmed, and the public system, while medically excellent, is very different than what I was familiar with. Once we were confirmed a spot at our chosen hospital, I felt quite good about things. I did worry about caring for my baby if I required a C section, as I knew my husband had limited parental leave, but we decided that if it came to that, we would fly someone over to help.

 

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

Absolutely. So many things. It had a baby in May. it gets HOT in Hong Kong starting in roughly March, yet I had to practically beg for ice water in restaurants, as drinking cold things are considered dangerous for the baby or will cause distress in delivery, depending on which little old lady tells you her version…I understand that these are their beliefs, but being in an international city, not a small village, I didn’t anticipate this. Another thing we had to deal with was breastfeeding in public. Breastfeeding was the norm at the hospital we chose, and that is part of why we chose it, but definitely not in public. If you know Chinese culture you realize that in most cases they will not be too confrontational, but they certainly can stare and give you the stink eye. We continually deal with other cultural issues like touching baby’s hands (better now that Harriet is nearly 3 and will tell people no) but I was certainly grateful for my Ergo carrier and I learned to be a bit more aggressive with my stroller (when I used it) than I would be in the States.

 

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

Know your options, and if in Hong Kong, resister early. Some hospitals offer pre-registration. Geobaby.com (not affiliated in any way, just a very helpful site for me) is always the most up to date on hospital practices for western families, knows which OBs support natural birth, who will sign you up for a C section right away, etc.

 

Now we are considering a second baby and debating what to do. The public hospital system here is good, but I am spoiled by my previous experience. The idea of not having my baby room in is not ideal, and home births are not really an option in Hong Kong, as it’s not exactly legal, as I’ve been told, so there is no safety net if something goes wrong, and well educated providers are hard pressed to assist due to their legal risk.

 

You can find Rebekah on Twitter and you can visit her blog: www.nuclearnomads.com

 

Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: BELGIUM

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Next up in the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making we go to Belgium to hear Yvonne’s story about how she had her son abroad. She highlights the differences between the care and practices in Belgium vs. her native country, Germany.

 

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your son and where did you have him?

 

Yvonne and her husband with newborn Lennert

After having a long distance relationship for about 4 years, I moved to Belgium in 2001 after having finished my studies in Germany. We moved in together and despite all warnings everything went very well. We got married in May 2009 and I got pregnant a little bit later. I gave birth to a wonderful baby boy on October 8th 2010 in Veurne, Belgium. So Lennert is now 7 months old.

 

Why did you have your son abroad?

I’ve lived in Belgium for the last 10 years. My life has pretty much shifted to here. I still visit my parents and friends a lot. We travel to Germany at least 5 times a year and with the baby even more often. Still, the fact to have my baby in Belgium was never questioned. I have a gyn that I trust a lot, I wouldn’t want to go back to Germany to deliver the baby with a complete stranger. Furthermore, I didn’t want to quit my job earlier, just in case. I worked until 2 days before I delivered Lennert (I was induced due to high risk of pre-eclampsia). Also, my health insurance is in Belgium and wouldn’t have paid for a birth abroad, if deliberately chosen.

 

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

Lennert with Yvonne minutes after being born

As opposed to Germany, I had an ultrasound every check-up. My friends tell me that in Germany they do only 3 ultrasounds during the whole pregnancy. Furthermore, in Belgium measuring the neck transparency is standard whereas you have to pay for a supplementary examination in Germany, which isn’t covered by health insurance. This was in the end extremely important as the gyn measured a thicker neck transparency during my 12-week check-up. He immediately took action and 2 days later I had a Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) which turned out to be just fine! Until this point in my pregnancy I had never heard of CVS.

 

A huge advantage of the Belgian system is that the health care providers pay prenatal and postnatal counseling by midwives. So I found a wonderful midwife who came to our house a few times when I was pregnant. I wanted to stay at home as long as possible when going into labour before going to the hospital. She was supposed to be around and tell me when I should go to the hospital. In the end, I was induced and this part of my birth plan did not happen. Still, she came regularly after I’d gone home and checked the wellbeing of the baby but also mine! I don’t think anything like this exists in Germany.

 

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

I don’t think I would have felt much different than being in Germany. Everybody was positive and as I’m fluent in Dutch I didn’t have any language issues either.

 

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

Lennert

In Belgium your maternity leave is 15 weeks. You have to take at least one week before your due date and maximum 6 before your due date. Every week left, you take after delivering. So I opted to work until the last day and stay at home for 14 weeks before returning to work. In Germany things are very much different. Pregnant women stay at home at least 6 weeks before the ir due date and don’t return to work for ONE YEAR! At least, most of the time it’s more like 2 or 3 years. So when I told my family and friends in Germany that I would return to work after 3 months, I got a lot of eyebrow raising and that look that tells your “what kind of mother are you anyway”. Well, I didn’t have much choice. Although some friends told me to just quit my job. It was my time to raise my eyebrow then. I really love my job, I couldn’t imagine just stopping my career and being a stay-at-home mum. Please don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with stay at home moms. It’s just not right for me! And yes, it tears me apart every single day when I bring Lennert to daycare. And getting home or picking him up is still the most favourite moment of my day. And I see that the cultural difference makes me look like a bad mom in my friends’ eyes, but I know that I made the right choice for me.

 

Returning to work so early makes it sometimes difficult to keep up breastfeeding. Most mothers stop breastfeeding when they return to work after 3 months although you are entitled to pump until your baby is 9 months old. I chose to pump. Which made some of my colleagues and friends raise their eyebrows (again..). Why would I do that, they asked. Well, because although I’m a working mom, I’m committed to give my boy the best I can. And if this means sneaking out twice a day to pump for half an hour, planning pumping time around meetings, pumping in the car when I have a meeting elsewhere, well then it is like that. I had to contact the HR department several times as the lactation room was not what it should be in the beginning, but now I’ve got a fridge, a light sign when the room is occupied and an agenda to “book” my pumping times. I hated to be the nagging pumping mom, but I hope that with the alterations, more moms will stay breastfeeding after they return to work. Obviously that are issues I wouldn’t have encountered in Germany as I would be home with my baby.

 


What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

I always told my husband that I wouldn’t bother standing up for my pregnant belly or my baby. When going into the hospital to have the baby I knew I would have it our way. I wasn’t going there to be everybody’s darling. I was there to deliver a baby the way I believed was best for him (underwater, no drugs). So get as much information as you need and don’t be afraid to stand up! My gyn is fabulous but I would have considered choosing another one if he wouldn’t be alright with my choices.

 

It doesn’t matter where you are, I think that moms know best what is best for them and the baby. Ask advice if you are unsure about something but trust your intuition. It’s your baby, it stayed in your belly so you know your baby best and you will know what will work for you as a mom and for your little family in general.

 

You can find Yvonne on Twitter and Facebook.

 

Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

 

Five Confessions of a Breastfeeding Mother

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breastfeeding confessionsI was talking to a friend today about how breastfeeding changes your attitude to your breasts. I laughed at all the things that I have done, many repeatedly, that would have, pre-baby, mortified me and now I just shrug and smile.

Here are my top 5 confessions:

1. Your breasts are now your baby’s, they are food – no one, I mean NO ONE else is allowed to touch them!

2. Despite the no touch rule, you don’t care who see’s your breasts whilst nursing (and yes, you will flash dozens of people during your breastfeeding journey)

3. You will wander around with your breasts free, your nursing bra unclipped and not even care that you can’t remember how long you’ve been like that

4. Your new wardrobe can only be described as “easy access” – anything that can be pulled up/down/to the side easily will be coveted!

5. You will feel your breasts in public (checking which side to feed on next) whilst talking to someone and think nothing of it

It’s all for a good reason and a good sense of humour will take you a long way! What else have you done?