Category Archives: France

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

14 Replies

PigletinFrance and Baby PigletThis week I talk to Sharon who is British and had her baby daughter in France as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. She talks about the importance of family values in France, the challenges of breastfeeding past 3 months (it’s not really “done” in France and following your heart. Here is her story:

 

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her?
I’m a 30 year old British expat living in the North Isere, France with my French husband, my daughter and my two cats. I moved to France from the UK aged 16 as I was an Ice Dancer and Lyons had the best training facilities in Europe. It was daunting arriving in a foreign country alone so young, especially as I didn’t speak any French. However, I soon picked up the language skills and France became my home.

My daughter was born in Valence, France in April 2011. I was living in Lyon and had planned to give birth in the Croix Rousse Hospital in Lyon as it had an excellent reputation and many of my friends had given birth there. Unfortunately due to my Husband and I moving area and a delay in our house purchase, I was unable to give birth where I had planned and ended up having a very difficult birth and after birth in Valence’s public hospital which left me in bed for a month post partum.

Why did you have your daughter abroad?
I didn’t specifically choose to have my daughter abroad. Living in France happened naturally for me and it seemed logical to have my baby here. My Husband and I had spent a few years in the UK together long before we decided to have children and we had both said at the time that if we do have children one day we would like to raise them in France.

France places much more value on Family Values in my opinion than the UK does. I love how meal times are family affairs here and how frequently families get together and make efforts to stay in touch. My Husband and I are as close to some of his French family members as we are to our friends and we want that for our children as well. I know that parents influence the education of their children but I also believe culture does too and I really respect the French culture for the importance they place on family.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?
Having moved to France at such a young age I consider that I already know some of the benefits as I’d experienced growing up in a foreign country myself. Access to a second language and different cultures for a child is fantastic and part of their life education. Aside from the benefits for my baby I don’t think there was really any benefit to me but that is probably because I had a very difficult birth experience and often when things go wrong you want to be in your own country.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?
Initially, I was quite blasé about the whole thing and felt that the French placed a lot of drama around such a natural experience. Everything in France is very medicalised and I can remember being told off as I hadn’t had any check ups before my 12 week scan. I had opted not to have any early check ups as I had miscarried the year before and had been through a circus of check ups that led to nothing but stress. Some women find the constant check ups re-assuring but I chose to let nature decide what to do and was at peace with my decision but the Drs didn’t understand.
I also chose to be followed solely by a midwife rather than an Obstetrician which is rare in France and my French friends and family thought I was mad. Despite the difficulties I encountered with the birth and after birth (which were largely due to the medical incompetence of the Obstetrician) I am still happy with how I managed my pregnancy and would opt to be followed by a midwife again. I would even consider having a home birth which is quite rare in France.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?
Aside from my choice of not wishing to have my pregnancy over medicalised, I haven’t encountered too many differences as yet as my daughter is still very young. A lot of my friends and French family seem surprised that I am still breastfeeding my daughter (she is 3 months old). It seems as if it is automatically assumed that she would be on formula by this age.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
Thankfully I am fluent in French so I was able to make my wishes understood but even then (especially after the birth whilst I was in dreadful pain) I sometimes wished I could explain how I felt and ask my questions in English, just for re-assurance that I was being understood. If you’re not fluent in the local language I would definitely recommend either finding a Dr that speaks your language or finding someone to help with translation.

Also, go with your heart. Just because something is the “done thing” in the country you’re giving birth in doesn’t mean to say it is the right or best thing for your baby. I do a lot based on instinct and will continue to do this as I have a contented baby so must be doing something right!

 

Connect with Sharon on Twitter and on facebook also check out her blog for, often hilarious, stories about living in France
******

Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

3 Replies
Having a baby abroad franceI am back in France, once again as part of the series The Global Differences of Baby-Making. This week I talk to Ashely who had her daughter in France and is expecting her 2nd baby in November.  Here is here story on becoming a mother away from her home country of the US and being spoled by the French medical system

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her?

I grew up in sunny California, and now live in not so sunny France, about an hour East of Paris.  My daughter is 20 months old, and I am currently expecting Baby #2 for November.

Why did you have your  daughter abroad?

I had my child (and will have our future child(ren)) abroad, well, because we live here!  I didn’t really have any other option to be honest.  I no longer carry any insurance elsewhere, and in all honesty, I don’t know that I would have wanted to have my baby elsewhere.  I like where we live, and I can’t imagine leaving to birth a baby elsewhere, unless of course it was on Ina May Gaskin’s “Farm”…

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

Living in France, I feel lucky that all costs related to my birth were taken care of by either the social security system, or our complementary insurance.  Something that can be both good and bad, depending, is the amount of time spent in the hospital after the birth.  I ended up with a C-Section due to a breech baby, and stayed in the hospital for 5 days before being released!  While I know that this is to make sure Mom and Baby are in top condition before leaving, it was a little too long for me personally.

Another benefit I had, was an IBCLC midwife that came to my home for several days once I was home, to help us with breastfeeding while got off to a rocky start.  I don’t think that I would have nursed as long as I did without this IBCLC’s support.  A ‘future’ benefit to having consequent children in France for me, is that France seems to be very VBAC friendly.  When I asked my Doctor about a VBAC for this baby, he seemed sincerely surprised that I was even asking.  It was obvious to him that we would be aiming for a VBAC, and a repeat C-Section if only really necessary.

Ashley and Miss L

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

I felt spoiled!  I was put on a medical leave for the last few months of my pregnancy due to a really long commute and high-ish blood pressure.  There are special lines at the grocery store for expectant mothers, old ladies would put anything heavy in my cart for me, in general it was a very positive experience.  I did have a few less pleasant experiences, but all in all, it was great!

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

I am not sure how a breech baby would have been ‘handled’ in the US, but I think very similarly to how it was here.  As for parenting choices, the French, in general, parent quite differently then us.  Their babies always wear slippers, and (way too) covered up, and are on strict feeding schedules from a very young age.  I guess I could be qualified as an Attachment Parenting type. Having a baby abroad I (still) breastfeed my daughter more or less on demand.  She co-slept for a long time, and still does sometimes, I don’t spank, I don’t have strict mealtimes, I don’t let my child cry it out, and I don’t read any ‘parenting’ books.  I’d much rather follow my heart and my child’s lead.  Parents like us in France are rare.  I feel like in the US I would have been able to find a group of like minded parents with more ease.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
I think the best advice for any mom, is to follow your heart.  The best ‘expert’ on your child is you.  Not someone who wrote a book, not the neighbor, not even your own parents.

Connect with Ashley on Twitter and on her blog

 

******

Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

7 Replies

Next up in the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making we are back in France to hear about MLMom’s experience of having a baby in the South of France.   She takes us through her experience of avoiding stinky gooey cheese, the perils of trying to understand why pregnancy is counted as 41weeks in France and missing family. Here is her story.

 Having a baby abroadTell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old is your daughter and where did you have her?

Well, I grew up in Mexico and the United States, but have lived in France for over 8 years. I met my husband here and we have a daughter, LilO, who will be one year old in July. We lived in Paris for a couple of years, but the weather and the high prices made us move to the south, where our daughter was born.

I finished my law studies in France last year and I am currently looking for a job. I have been lucky to spend all this time with my daughter since she was born and now I want to find a job that will allow me to enjoy my family life. The minimum of 5 weeks legal paid vacations in France is a good start, but I’m hoping to find something interesting by this coming fall.

I also just started writing a blog, Multilingual Mom (MLMom) where I hope I’ll get the opportunity to talk about my experience living here, raising LilO in France and all the ins-and-outs of the cultural differences I enjoy pointing out so much 🙂

Why did you have your daughter abroad?

We live in France and it was naturally here that we decided to have our daughter. Though I have been living here for 8 years, I still consider myself to be living “abroad”. I still wonder how long that will last!

 

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

I love the fact that our daughter lives in another country, and will be raised in a multicultural environment. I also enjoy knowing that we have so many countries close to us and we can travel easily and learn so much.

As a non-benefit (even if I was not asked!) I would definitely list having my family so far away. We don’t get to see my family as often as we can, and that I do dislike and can get to me at times.

 

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

I can still remember the day I found out I was pregnant I started jumping up and down and couldn’t stop for over ten minutes. Then I decided I’d slow down because I didn’t want my baby to get motion sickness. I was scared, happy, overwhelmed, everything at once!

I am very thankful for the excellent care I had throughout my pregnancy. Although the situations can be different from person to person, even the minimum French prenatal care is excellent. I was able to have a sonogram when I was just 6 weeks along, and I had one every month at least to check on the baby and to calm down any nervous future mom nerves I might have.

When I was 24 weeks along, a member of my family passed away and I was heartbroken. I had such a hard time being so far away from the rest of my family. I felt so alone. I realize it’s still difficult to write about it. Three weeks later I had my scheduled sonogram and we found that the baby’s abdominal circumference was not as it should be — in other words, our baby was “skinny”. My OB sent me to get different tests immediately and sonograms done over the next few weeks followed and it turns out everything was just fine… but I really needed to take my stress level down for a while, since it might have been what had affected me and the baby. Hard to do, but the baby got back on track very quick.

I was also very happy to have found a good OB right before getting pregnant. He recommended a great midwife, with whom I had 10 sessions and was able to learn about the baby, getting physically and mentally ready, exercises, breastfeeding techniques, breasfeeding support group if I wanted… I really felt pampered and I loved it.

I learned that if I wished, I could have a midwife come to my house as many times as I would need her to after the baby was born if I needed any help with breastfeeding. That really boosted my confidence and helped me though the first 7 days (yes, I counted them!) which were VERY difficult for me.

 

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

Let’s see… YES!!!! Definitely. First of all, the French pregnancy lasts 41 weeks, not 40 like in most countries of the world. I kept saying 40 weeks to my OB in hopes he’d change his way of thinking.  I didn’t think that would really matter except when it came to me being overdue until I went OVER those 41 weeks! My baby was born 41w5d. Thankfully, haha.

Another thing was: “do you have the toxo“? Toxoplasmosis is a parasitic disease that can harm the foetus if you contract it duringpregnancy. Men don’t care if they have it or not. But as a woman, if you have it before you don’t need to worry about it either.  If you don’t, then you have to be careful so you don’t get it during pregnancy and they monitor this so they can react with proper treatment if you do.

My friends abroad were never tested for this and here I was getting blood drawn every month to check I did not suddenly have the parasite!!! I guess after 7 years of living in France and no parasite (since according to Wikipedia 88% of the French have it but it’s not as common in the US) I should have just kept my old habits, but here I was desperately trying to eat strawberries (the baby wanted them!) and I had bought my special fruit brush where I would brush each strawberry and wash them for over 20 minutes so I could eat them in less than 20 seconds.

The list of what you can and can’t eat was different than that of my American friends. They were told to avoid lunchmeat and soft cheeses, I was told to avoid raw ham and stinky gooey raw milk farm cheese.

The see differences continue to happen even once the baby is here. I have had an excellent experience with breastfeeding, finding everyone around me very supportive, except for my dentist who had suggested I weaned my baby so he could replace a filling. After that (last) appointment with him was over, I looked for another competent doctor and I was good to go.

LilO’s pediatrician is great and supports our cultural differences. Maybe because I gave him a weird look when he was surprised my baby had avocados as one of her first foods and he almost fell off his chair. An “exotic” fruit?! Goodness!

One thing I can also be very thankful about was the hospital care. I had someone on the phone 24/7 if I had questions about the baby, movement, first time mom panic.. anything. I went to the hospital three times for different reasons (feelings, pains, etc) and they welcomed me every single time with a huge smile, telling me I had made the right decision coming in if I had any doubts. I was also monitored every 48 hours after  week 40 since I had some swelling and they wanted to make sure everything was ok.

I was very greatful to have a pediatrician 24/7 as well during those first few weeks where even a lack of poop worries this mom. Even today I know that I can have a doctor come in the middle of the night if something is wrong, everything covered by our health insurance, and I think it has given me peace of mind even if (thankfully) we have never had to ask a doctor to come and see LilO.

 

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

Enjoy every minute and follow your instincts. Nobody knows your body or your baby better than you, and nobody is there with your baby during the night BUT you. Research and ask all the questions you can. And if you don’t get the answers or you feel ignored, change your healthcare provider if possible. It can make a world of a difference.

And no matter how often people tell you over and over again to “enjoy it because time goes by so fast”.. well… it really does.

Connect with MLMom on Twitter and Facebook as well as Multilingual Mom (MLMom)

******

Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

13 Replies

having baby abroad mummy in ProvenceNext up in the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making we are in France to hear my story about having my daughter abroad. I’ve not shared my story as part of this series so here it is!

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?

My name is Ameena, I’m half Egyptian, half English, born in Dubai – that’s the abridged version! I have no clue where I am from but I am ok with that … kind of! I’ve lived in the UAE, Qatar, Oman and the UK including London, Manchester and East Sussex. My darling daughter BiP just celebrated her first birthday and she was born in Avignon, France.

Why did you have your children abroad?

When I first met my husband, John, we were both living in Dubai. We knew we didn’t want to have a family in Dubai so we had to choose between France, UK and Canada to start a family as, between us, that’s where we had passports. We chose France because of it’s excellent medical care. It was so much easier to have a family in France with all the medical support provided.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

I always feel this is a double-edged sword! I was born in a foreign country where expats were the only people I regularly encountered. One year they were there, the next they weren’t. We moved around and I never had a place to call “home” – home became a house with our things. The transience was something I learnt to live with and I am cool with it all. I don’t think it’s that interesting to have had friends from all over the world but I guess it is. I understand a whole range of cultures without even trying. I hope that by having BiP in France she will embrace French culture and understand other cultures … I would also like for her to live in other countries should the opportunity arise!

 

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

I was terrified. I was truly 100% overwhelmed, terrified and did I mention terrified?? I spoke basic French and was usually intimidated by my doctors. I felt so alone and out of my depth! I sought solace in online forums … how I wish I’d discovered Twitter back then!

On the flip side, I did have excellent care when it came to my sciatica, which plagued me from wk 18 of my pregnancy. I was prescribed physiotherapy with hydrotherapy sessions to help me deal with the discomfort.

When I was 10 days from my due date I was prescribed home visits for a midwife to come check me and my bump every 48 hrs which was outstanding care. Every other day a midwife would come to our home and monitor both in inutero BiP and I. Amazing! I have yet to come across another health system that offers such care.

 

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

Since I don’t have a “home” country to speak of I guess I was mainly comparing to the US. It was a pretty silly thing to do as the differences were so vast. I bought loads of books from Amazon and poured over them. I browsed forums and got information that was only US applicable yet I dragged it to my appointments which annoyed my ObGyn … I became a sponge for information. I read, read and read some more.   I realised quickly that a birth plan was something to forget about … my ObGyn was excellent and very capable … especially BiP’s birth was everything I never wanted but perfect nonetheless.

One major issue was that the French consider a full term pregnancy to be 41 weeks, not 40 weeks like the rest of the world. It annoyed me so much! I still am not sure why they do that! I also gave birth is private clinic rather than in the hospital and I have made John promise that we will not move until I am finished with my baby-making chapter as my ObGyn, the clinic, the everything was really great!

 

On Breastfeeding
I’ve battled people with regards to breastfeeding in France. They seem to frown upon it, assume I am selfish or stupid (or maybe both) for doing it. It’s been an uphill battle to find support, especially as my French is not really up to scratch. My desire to breastfeed was so strong I shrugged off the people who said it was “Abnormal” for an 8 month old baby to be breastfed or the doctors who told me that breastfeeding past 6 months was only for the mother’s benefit! The biggest shock to others has been when I tell them I’ll wean when BiP wants to!

 

On Baby-Led Weaning
I’ve not even bothered to tell my pediatrician about how we feed BiP. Each visit I am given a handout on what BiP should be eating and I make a paper airplane out of it … it usually contains info about how much flour to add to a bottle of formula which is totally irrelevant!  The last time I mentioned BiP had an omelet I retracted my statement saying I misunderstood the question – the feeding schedule is very fixed in France and BLW has no place!

 

On Elimination Communication
The only thing I have been told is that babies are all incontinent until they are at least 18m old … my pediatrician prefers I take BiP to the park and show her the birds rather than put her on the potty. We do both.

Extra Care
During my pregnancy I was given 8 free pre-natal classes with a midwife, some were spent in the pool, some in the classroom. They covered topics from breastfeeding to breathing to dressing your baby to preparing your hospital bag. I’ve already mentioned the home visits. After having BiP I had a midwife come to our house to check up on us – I spent 6 days in hospital due to a 1:1000 allergic reaction to my stitches – the normal stay in hospital for a natural birth is 4 days in France. 6 weeks after delivery you see your ObGyn who prescribes 10 sessions with a special physiotherapist to get your pelvic floor strengthened. This is standard and very, very unsexy but fantastic in preventing incontinence and other complications following childbirth. I have yet to find another country that offers all of the above free of charge.

 

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
Do your research. Read. Ask questions. Make sure you know what your entitlements are and make the most of the system to ensure you have the best possible experience. Get a mentor, someone to support you through the journey. Becoming a mother is daunting enough without the added pressures of being abroad and having to deal with language and cultural differences. Make sure your partner is up to speed on what your needs are. I don’t think my experience would have been as positive without my husband’s support.

 

Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

 

If you are expecting a baby in France or abroad and would like to talk to me please send me an email.

 

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

Leave a reply

sophie le brozec having baby franceNext up in the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making we are back in France to hear about how Sophie Le Brozec dealt with living dangerously by requesting a natural birth, breastfeeding beyond 3 months and not sterilising everything in sight!

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?

My name is Sophie, I’m English and married to a Frenchman. At the time of having my daughter I had been living in France for 8 years. My daughter is now 4 years old and I had her in Cagnes sur mer (just outside of Nice), France.

Why did you have your daughter abroad?

I had my daughter abroad as I was living in France at the time with my French husband.

What do you feel were the benefits to having a baby abroad?

Excellent hotel-like accommodation for 5 days after having my daughter – a room shared with one other mum (who I’d previously met through ante-natal classes), with an en-suite bathroom, pretty good food and babies taken away from us if we needed to rest and sleep.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

Fine as I am bilingual and I was used to living in France so I was not worried about the cultural differences. I think I felt pretty much the same as if I’d had the baby in the UK. However I did get a bit fed up with the non-stop tests – monthly blood tests for toxoplasmosis etc

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

They were shocked that I wanted a natural birth and not a completely medicalised one, that I wanted to breast feed and then that I wanted to breast feed past 3 months, that I wanted to do BLW (obviously I was trying to kill my child!), that I wanted to use washable nappies, that I didn’t ever sterilise anything – with a dog and a cat at home my daughter was ill for the very first time when she was 11 months old and is rarely ill now, so that non-sterilising thing was obviously a killer! I think they thought I was a freak on most accounts!

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

Follow your own gut feeling and use common sense. Stand up for yourself and be prepared to fight for what matters – wherever possible try and get your partner on side!!

Connect with Sophie on Facebook,  Twitter and check out her blog www.FranglaiseMummy.com

*****************

Want to share your story? Get in touch: ameena@mummyinprovence.com

Having a Baby Abroad – Global Differences Series: FRANCE

11 Replies

Alessandra with her daughter on the day her son was born.As part of the series of guest posts on The Global Differences of Baby-Making here is the first post from Alessandra who is had her babies in France. Her story and experiences ring so true to those of my own. Enjoy!

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?

I am 28 and grew up in Hampshire, UK. I moved to France for the 1st time in 2000. My children are aged 5½ and 3½ I had them both in Limoges, Haute Vienne, France. My 1st child was born in the CHU (University Hospital) and 2nd child in the Clinique des Emailleurs (a Private Hospital).

Why did you have your children in France?
The main reason was because property was more affordable in the area of France that we were living in at the time, enabling us to own a better family home. Secondly, we were happier with the school system, way of life and statistics such as teenage pregnancy rates being lower in France.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children in France?
I feel that the medical care was better with more examinations & scans compared to the UK. My kids have been automatically brought up learning two languages. Full time education is free for children from 3 years of age. School times and clubs are better to enable parents to work.

As an expectant mother in France how did you feel?
It could feel very lonely especially as at the time my French was not great, limiting communication. Compared to the skinny French women i felt humongous during my pregnancy.  The doctors were more old-fashioned and mostly male which made me feel like i was not necessarily getting the best advise all the time during my pregnancy.  I also did not enjoy the lack of public toilets and often those that were available were stand up toilets which are far from easy to use when you are pregnant!

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in the UK with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?
I found things I had learnt from people and books were different in France which was confusing. I would plan from English books how Iwanted to have my baby (such as giving birth using a birthing stool) and they would tell me that things don’t work like that in France and it could get very frustrating!

  • On pregnancy: A lot of the French people in my area did not always understand why I was cutting out certain things out like alcohol and caffeine and some French pregnant woman in the area would be seen drinking and smoking in bars!
    French doctors are of the opinion that you need an internal examination every month of your pregnancy which I believe is different to the UK.
  • On childcare: They seemed to be of the opinion that if the weather was anything other than baking hot then you should drown your child in clothes and were not afraid of letting me know this.  Also, they seemed to think that they should be wearing shoes at a much younger age than I did (having read that children can get flat feet from wearing shoes too young etc.) I found a lot of French people often favour what I consider more old-fashioned parenting techniques such has leaving children to cry and having very set routines. They did not approve of my more caring nurturing techniques giving my baby’s what they wanted with no fixed routine. I had all sorts of problems with my daughter when she started school as she stopped sleeping in the daytime (much to my dismay) since she was about 18 months. The French schools insist that they have to sleep after lunch at school until they are four years old. I also had a few encounters with French women thinking I was a bad mum who did not want to spend time with my children because I wanted them in bed for 20:30.
  • On breastfeeding: French women tend to not be big into breastfeeding so found it very strange that I breastfed my 1st child for 17 months and second for 13 months. My doctor was very understanding and encouraging about my breastfeeding but other Locum doctors were not!

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?
Learn as much of the local language as you can. Do not let locals bother you when they deicide to inflict there opinions on you! Research where you are going to have the baby as hospitals techniques differ greatly (I learnt this the hard way!).

Understand that there are some things that you will just have to accept and compromise. Take advantage of social networking sites to give you the support you need in you own language. Make sure you that you have the correct medical insurance cover so that you do not end up with a big bill when you leave the hospital!

Keep up-t0-date with Alessandra on Twitter

Like to share your story? Please email me ameena@mummyinprovence.com