Here is my 5 minute brain dump as part of this great series.
It’s been bugging me for a while. All my adult life actually. Your family is your family – for better or for worse, right?
Well, umm no. I don’t remember taking any vow towards any family member. At the end of the day (excuse the teenage angsty rant) I never chose to be born. So, in short, I don’t owe my parents. Or do I?
Sometimes I feel it really gets out of control when you talk about the debt to a parent, how you have to succumb to their every whim and want, how you need to love your siblings no matter what, how extended family are a protected species.
What is wrong with the world? We are all adults – to have you in my life is a privilege – NOT a right. Treat me as you wish to be treated and if you don’t, well, I’ll repay you the same way.
What do you think?
This was my first 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
- Link up your post at all.things.fadra.
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
Tough one! Right now my sister and I have been having a rough patch. She’s due with her first baby any day now and I am excited to finally share this whole motherhood thing with her and any tips I give get tossed in with what her clients tell her (she’s a stylist) which is fine, I get it, everyone has tips. But we have NOTHING in common other than being born to the same parents and i was hoping this was the “thing”. Obviously it’s not 🙁 I keep thinking how if we weren’t sisters, we wouldn’t even give each other the time of day. Which makes me feel like crap, because I think family is important, but she thinks friends are more important so we go back and forth. Family kind of sucks some days.
Back and forth is something that get’s tiring … yes families are important but I’ve found recently that if I am happy first then I can deal with some members of my family – before I used to dive in head first, put myself last and eventually come up gasping for air thinking WTF just happened?! I think there is a good reason they put FUN in Dysfunctional … every family is dysFUNctional!
I’m also currently in the middle of a rough patch with my brother, and if he wasn’t related to me, I’d have walked away and closed all doors. Something to do with that family tie, that he’s my brother, makes me unable to do that, I think possibly because my Mum is gone, I feel I can’t just break away and sever ties. He’s always been my baby brother, and despite it all, I love him even though he’s frankly been pretty vile about some stuff.
Family is such a hard thing, we don’t choose them, we don’t ask for them, and they can and do try and hold things over us.
Processing, accepting, rejecting and analysing families intricate relationships can make you feel like you are chasing your tail. Hope you work it out …
Luckily I get along well with most of my family but when they act crazy, I can separate myself pretty easily. It bums me out but I am not one to succumb to obligation. Real family is the one you make/choose.
I agree 110% … good you have a good relationship with your family – it’s rare to find! Cherish it!
Agreed! I don want people in my life that are going to bring me down…you are in or you are out!
I think that has a lot to do with it – how does that person make you feel, what do they do to you etc … if it’s negative then I agree its OUT
I needed something else to think about! (thank you) I wrote mine, but I have no clue what a back door is and I don’t really think it should be posted! Ha!
However, I did want to share with one of your folks here.
To The Slacker Mom,
Don’t give up, ok? I’m 40 years old and my sister is four years younger than I am. All of my life (and hers I found out within the last couple of years), I wanted my sister to be my friend. Possibly, even my best friend? No deal. No matter how hard I tried (come to find out, her too) it seemed like she would just blow me off, get mad at really stupid crap, be “holier-than”….you know.
A few years ago, it changed. It started changing right after I started using facebook to stay in touch with my family. I live in Alaska- they live in New Hampshire and Kentucky. I still try to not chat too long on the phone- I think the sound of our voices must annoy the other! But we do talk, a lot now, and it is really nice to know she IS my friend. And, I might add, HER BIG SIS.(Her words!)
All I am saying is keep that hope and love tucked and don’t let it turn too sour on you. ~Amber-Lee
Hey Amber, I wanna read your back door post! LOL!
I wholeheartedly agree. I believe that respect is a two way street. One doesn’t get good treatment from me simply because they are family by blood – if you want respect you have to show it. I struggle with this a lot with my mother. And I cannot talk about it to a lot of people because it is so prevalent in our society to simply accept family into our lives regardless of how poorly they treat you. “But they are family” is not an argument that holds a lot of water for me. Family is created by mutual respect and love…not by taking and no giving. We choose our true families.
Oh, and by the way…I have the same blog scheme 😉
That argument drives me nuts – is family carte blanche to treat people badly? I don’t think so. If I was awful to BiP when she’s older I would not hold it against her to distance herself. I hear you. What happens when a relationship with another family member is so awful, draining and emotionally debilitating? Is it normal to hang around smacking your head against a wall and say “Oww that hurts!” over and over?
Here is to choosing our own families and avoiding the same mistakes with the next generation!
I agree! I think in every familial relationship, there should be respect and the assumption that it (the relationship) can and will be subject to the same terms as any other non-familial relationship. I think I have a degree of higher tolerance for family members’ nonsense, but I still have my limits.
I could have written this post. I’m actually in a much better place now but I have had the argument with my parents that I don’t NEED you in my life. It’s a choice. It sounds so selfish and ungrateful but as adults we have the ability to choose things that are best for our family – the one we’ve created. Focus on that one.
You are so right – I said exactly the same thing – I don’t NEED you but I could WANT you in my life (or not) … !
I wonder how we will react when our kids grow up and and say the same to us … eeek!